'My obsession for ankle length socks' Mount Holyoke Supplement - Never Change/ Fear

Hi, please give me some constructive criticism as I'm not entirely sure I'm hitting the right mark. Thanks in advance!
The expression "never fear / change" can be interpreted many ways. How might it apply to your life? (250-400 words)

My obsession for ankle length socks began in grade 6. It was time for PE and everyone had just finished changing into their gym clothes, which consisted of a shirt, shorts, socks, and running shoes. Unfortunately, on that fateful day, I had just ran out of clean standard white gym socks and therefore had to improvise and dig out a pair of blue socks that reached mid calf from my dresser.

Standing in line, waiting for our teacher to lead us to the gym, I stood behind a girl who wore white, ankle length socks. She gazed around the classroom, bored from the wait, and caught sight of my socks. She stared incredulously at them for a few seconds before muttering "sexy" in a sarcastic tone. Then she turned around and followed the teacher who had started to lead everyone out of the room.

I gazed down at my socks, feeling conflicted; should I try to make them look shorter, or should I just leave them be? Glancing at the retreating backs of my classmates, I crouched down, rolled the offending socks down around my ankles, and ran to the gym. I didn't realize that they created an unsightly bulge around my ankles until after PE class, when we were changing back into our normal clothes.

After that day, I never forgot to pack ankle length socks into my gym bag. I also never forgot the shame that I had felt when I crouched down to roll down my socks. I was afraid of what the girl would say to her friends during recess and what my classmates would whisper behind my back. I changed myself because of an irrational fear of rejection and as I look back now on the incident, I realize how ridiculous my reaction was.

"Never fear/change" to me means to never fear the opinions of others and to never change yourself as a result of what others think. It means to ignore the comments about your socks, your clothing, your goals, your actions and to be confident in yourself.

Perfect example of why 6-8 grade never happened haha. I thought the essay was pretty good. I didn't feel like it was one of those essays the counselors show you when they want to give an example of godly college essays but it was good.

But please take my opinion with a normal sized shaker of salt as I am not very confident in my critiquing of essays.

Best of luck!

I feel like your essay lacks something. You told us about giving in and changing yourself now show us how you've dealt with your take on "never fear/change" and faced judgment but stayed true to yourself. If you're still working on applying your philosophy then tell us how the journey has been. If length is an issue cut out a bit of the superfluous description and try something else. GOOD LUCK!!

I liked it! However, I feel like there is definitely room for improvement. I would include more of a climax that builds up your experience.