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Obstacles in the road - Need assistance with UCF Prompt



joshstabb 2 / 8  
Jul 20, 2009   #1
Prompt is the bump in the road. Any suggestions will be appreciated.

Sometimes we are the bump in the road. I had always done well in school, until last year. Eleventh grade was certainly not my best year academically, but it was a huge year in terms of personal growth and realization. I just wish that realization would have occurred before I had to see the disappointment on my mom's face when she opened the mail containing my final report card. While I don't know whether my slip in grades was due to a lacksidasical effort or just being too cool for school, I do now know that those behaviors have consequences, whether it be having to retake a class, losing a good student driving discount or seeing that look. I have realized to achieve my goals, I first have to identify want they are and then work feverishly to obtain them. My experience has taught me to learn from my mistakes and avoid repeating them. I am going to have to work hard in my senior year and put forth a serious effort into my studies in order to undue the damage I myself did to my GPA. I've also learned the sense of self-satisfaction that you feel when you've put forth your best effort is the feeling I want to have and is the one thing no one can take away from you. The road of life will contain many bumps and I plan to plow right over them by putting forth my best effort in all of my endeavors.

elainedlcruz 11 / 25  
Jul 20, 2009   #2
Hi

Sounds like a good one. Just need a little more detail the mistakes you made. Elaborate more when you said "I will never again compromise who I am by just going with the flow"

I also suggest that you rephrase this sentence "I've decided to learn from my mistakes rather than repeat them." to " My experience allowed me to learn from my mistakes and avoid repeating the same mistakes in life."

Hope my comment helps.
OP joshstabb 2 / 8  
Jul 20, 2009   #3
Does this flow????????
EF_Simone 2 / 1975  
Jul 21, 2009   #4
I do now know that those behaviors have consequences, whether it be

"Consequences" is plural; "it" is singular. Replace "it" with "they."

"...in order to undo the damage..."

Be sure to proofread carefully to find homonym errors that spell checkers won't catch.
OP joshstabb 2 / 8  
Jul 21, 2009   #5
Revised. Any help???
EF_Simone 2 / 1975  
Jul 21, 2009   #6
Good job. Love the first line. Extra points for "epiphany" -- one of my favorite words.


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