'Offered many opportunities' - University of Central Florida application

ESSAY PROMPT: WHY DID YOU CHOOSE TO APPLY to the University of central Florida
this is what I have written and there is a 250 word count max.

Applying to colleges and universities is a hard process that is very time consuming and requires a lot of research. There are many universities and colleges I could apply to, but I had a hard time finding the right one. After some extensive research I saw how UCF was a great school to attend. I chose to apply to UCF because of the many opportunities I saw that this university offered. When I researched UCF, it looked like a great college and I could really succeed at UCF. I have talked to a few people who have attended UCF and said that it was a great university and that I should really apply to UCF. If I had the opportunity to get accepted at UCF I feel that I can achieve my goals. Not only will I be able to get a unique college education, I would be able learn how to stand on my own feet, and become more mature. I am torn between getting a degree in civil engineering or a degree in the biomedical sciences.

This opening statement is not appropriate. You shouldn't state that this process was hard for you. I think you should write a statement to show that you are a hard working person and you can overcome all obstacles in this way to achieve your goal.


You repeated the following terms :"I researched..", "UCF is a good academic place", and these sort of things. In my opinion, you do not need to repeat these things. It would be better to mention what opportunities would be provided by UCF for you and what things distinguish this university from other ones.


What is your goal? As I told you above, you can open the essay with a sentence, which provides some information about your goal in life. Then connect the goal to an academic atmosphere. After that talk about UCF and its advantages.

Your essay was not clear and you repeated yourself throughout the essay.

this is my new essay after my revisions.

I have always a hardworking person and I can overcome any and all obstacles in my way to achieve my goals. There are many universities and colleges I could apply to, but I had a hard time finding the right ones to apply to. After some extensive research, I saw how great UCF was. I asked a few people that I know that have attended UCF what it was like going there and what were the classes were like. They told me that they had a great time and that the classes were fun and they felt that the classes were challenging and they had great professors. I attended an open house earlier this year and the staff was very welcoming and I got a feeling that the professors really care about their students' education. I chose to apply to UCF because of the many opportunities I saw that this university offered. Not only will I be able to get a unique college education, I would be able learn how to stand on my own feet, and become more mature. I am torn between getting a degree in civil engineering or a degree in the biomedical sciences.

It doesn't make sense,
I have always a hardworking person and I can overcome any and all obstacles in my way to achieve my goals.
It should be- I have always been a hardworking person or, I am a hardworking person.
Try to give an example of how you are hardworking and can overcome obstacles.Give proof that this is true.

Also, change the last sentence, don't write about your predicament about civil engineering, and biomedical sciences.
Write something like I hope to attend UCF for (whichever years- you plan to attend).

Try to add more voice, make it sound more how your life will change if you attend UCF. Give more personnel feelings about UCF, is this really your dream school??

Hope this helps!!