Ohio state app; What I look forward for next 4 years thay may surprise others

I have rewritten one of my college application essays for Ohio State. If someone could proofread and provide some opinion I would appreciate it!

As you think about the next four years, what are you looking forward to that might surprise your friends or family members?

I began to be fond of math when I was only a child. As my curiosity and affection with it grows, as my saying goes, flirt with the numbers. It provides an irreplaceable sense of achievement from which I decided to get a good education in the United States. I have taken part in several mathematics competitions and won good prizes since primary school. And I am always the top student in my class. Gradually, I am surprised to find that math can change the way I think and shaping my character. Math helps me to think in a logical way. Also, having an all-round solution for a given problem encourages me to get a wider known of the world through diversified perspectives.

I always have a specific goal in my major-math. However, none of my family and my friends supported me. In general opinions, it is really hard for a girl to be successful in the field of science subjects. But I have a burning desire to prove myself and chase my academic dream. I major math in university and make greatest effort to be the top 5 percent of students and win the first class scholarship.

In the next four years, I hope that I could graduate from a top school in USA like the Ohio State University and be a mathematician, though my family and my friends might get shocked. I know that chasing my dream really needs courage and I have to face unexpected difficulties. But I will never give up and I have confident in myself.

hey,
how you doing?
your essay is great,
here are my small suggestions " I SHALL major math in YOUR university(praise them,whats wrong in it??) and make A greatest effort to be the top 5 percent of students and win the first class scholarship."

" though my family and my friends might get shocked" instead "choosing against everyone's perspective and proving it right."

As my curiosity and affection grew I began to flirt with numbers.
This is your prompt;


Reading your prompt, I have the feeling that you need to give more emphasis about the things you are looking forward to happening in four years that may suprise your friends and family. So, I think you need to come to this point faster than what you've written. Think of what you want to be in four years and contrast that future personality with the one you have today. Can that surprise your friends and family?

I agree with Dumi, try and focus on what you want to be in four years and see how that would affect your family and friends. How and why would they react to it? It's a good start though(:

Good Luck!

Thanks a lot!

I think you should get an english teacher to proof read that, there are a lot of grammatical errors as well broken rules. English is obviously not your first language, so I suggest you get someone with a good grasp on it to edit your stuff