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One of the most critical moments in my life was when I fell off my bike



jt9 1 / -  
Dec 29, 2014   #1
I just went with it
Recount an incident or time when you experienced failure. How did it affect you, and what lessons did you learn?
This may seem childish but one of the most critical moments in my life was when I fell off my bike. Yes, a 16 year old, six foot one inch, meta-athlete, with the physique of Adonis and the agility of no other than Lance Armstrong ungracefully tumbled off his bicycle right next to six year olds zooming by on their scooters. After ten years of riding a bike, you would think one would learn not to fall off of it. That day, after riding for almost three hours, I did not conquer the trail, it conquered on me. The scene of the crime was at the ramp of the Rockaway Bridge in Queens, New York. This bridge had a closed off bike lane, convenient for pedestrians and bike accidents. The bridge resembled the residing hairline of a middle aged man; steep on the bottom, flat at the top. That eventful day I was joined by three friends, I glided the first time over with ease, leaving my dehydrated comrades in the dust. Once they arrived, we rode to the neighboring beach where sand the size of condominiums accumulated in my sneakers and the sea breeze chafed my skin, making it less invigorating and more oppressive. As we made our way back home, I participated in the tradition of all the great athletes; trash talking as all the greats have. The bridge was my ally, I thought, not my foe. The incline onto the bridge was steeper this time, but I was not fazed. Fatigue caused my vision to become impaired, and the ominous bridge ahead of me elongated to an endless length. My journey was at halftime when I arrived at the highest point.No man should ever face the trials and tribulations I faced, no man but me. Clocking in at 800 mph and breaking several land speed records, I traversed the second half of the bridge in 6.7 seconds. Once the bridge was over, there was a slight right turn. To those seven year olds on scooters, it was no problem. For me, I fell off and sustained superficial wounds. The damage to my ego will take twice as long to repair. My underclass men came from behind in horror. Once I finished screaming obscenities, I assessed the damage. Cuts and scrapes on my head, knees, and toes, blood gushing out of my mouth and an overall sense of failure. Ignorance and a sense of self-righteousness were washed away by embarrassment and anger. My friends felt pity, but the small amount of dignity I had left didn't allow me to be babied. Our plan that day was to bike to the beach and back, and I wanted to follow that. In a bold attempt to redeem myself and reach my "champion status" once more, I continued riding with immense amount of pain and exhaustion. The three hour ride back consisted of grimacing, adjusting, and overall discomfort. Every time a city bus would pass by, I was tempted on giving up but if I took that route, I believe I would be failing myself. I take my arrival home in one piece as a personal triumph; I never wavered, I never conceded. Pride can be an even greater summit to scale than the bridge where I collapsed.

Puppytime 3 / 11  
Dec 29, 2014   #2
Unfortunately my best advice is to find a new topic. You do not appear to put emotional weight into your essay, therefore the reader doesn't either. If this cannot be achieved, give the story more background and a more serious tone to add emotional weight. The egotism if humorous, and does emphasis your later fail, but the event just comes off as over-dramatized without the strong emotional core. I hope this helps!
vangiespen - / 4077  
Dec 29, 2014   #3
If you want to use this essay then you need to cut back on the ego that you present in the document and approach it from a more humble angle. You should discuss how the fall enlightened you towards learning some life lessons that you may not have learned had you not fallen off the bike. This essay prompt is all about discovering the life lessons you have learned from the serious mistakes you have made in your life. This essay does not feel like it delivers that serious requirement. Changing the topic of your essay or the prompt that you are trying to answer may solve that problem as Alexa said. You need to find a life event that you connect better to. One where you actually learned an important lesson that helped change your perspective about life or the way that you conduct yourself. Perhaps the bike ride and subsequent accident in front of your peers caused you to learn about being humble and not being so filled with pride? Try to find a serious lesson that you learned from the event and build that up in the essay. Tone down the backgrounder regarding your physical abilities. It is not as important as the lesson you learned.


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