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"Open" - What you would bring to help build a diverse community



dhyosungk 1 / 2  
Mar 23, 2011   #1
I find these "what you would bring" questions difficult.
This is for a summer program and they want a one page typed statement on the topic stated above in the subject.

I was at a loss at where to start... but I did, and this was the end result. I'm not confident in this, so please help me revise and provide your brilliant feedback!

Open

Throughout my life, I have been faced with several tragedies; I have lost several loved family members, friends, and my family has been tangled with the law. Despite these challenges, I am grateful for every single experience and every person I have met in the past. They are a part of my precious memories - the events that have led me to who I am today. Since my middle school days, I have been constantly surrounded by academically high achieving friends.

I come from a slew of uncommon circumstances; I have lost several loved family members, my family has been tangled with the law, my dad has diabetes, and my little brother, an eighth grader, is one of the small percentage of Americans who have a stammering problem. However, these challenges have led me to who I am today, and I am very grateful for every single experience and person I have encountered in the past. Through every pit stop in life, there is always a lesson to be learned. I believe a man who is able to walk away with a positive morale rather than a bitter attitude is more respectable, as it is often difficult to do so. Growing up in a religious family, I feel that faith is a very important aspect in life. I once had a naďve friend who would be interested in all sorts of harmful drugs, using his difficult life as an excuse for his actions. By bringing my friend to church, I was able to bolster his faith and set him on the right track. However, I have met a large variety of people to realize that religion is not for everyone. Two of my very close friends, who were once Christians, are now atheists. I often indulge myself into deep conversations with them as to why they lost their faith. Constantly surrounded by high achieving friends since I was young, I have grown to be quite an ambitious and diligent student. All of these things have embellished my perspective on society and individuals. Because of the people I have encountered and the challenges that I have faced, I have an open ended mind, and this is what I, as an individual, will bring to the program to build a widely diverse community.

EF_Kevin 8 / 13053  
Mar 25, 2011   #2
I love that intro! And the word slew is great...

Let's not use "man" because it is not gender inclusive. That is important.
I believe a man person who is able to walk ...

I often indulge myself this is not the way to use this word.
into deep conversations with them as to why they lost their faith. ---I don't think this really has anything to do with the main theme of the essay.

You should divide this into 2 or 3 paragraphs. Stay focused on the main idea: letting adversity make you stronger.

:-)


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