For my essay for Boston University, I chose the following prompt:
A. It is three weeks before the start of your freshman year at BU, and you are talking to your new roommate for the first time. Since you are trying to get to know each other, what are a few things you would want to share about who you are?
Any opinions, advice, and help on grammar are much appreciated!
My mother packed me a box full of just winter wear. She's afraid that I will freeze during the winter and I can see why she is worried. I'm accustomed to temperatures around eighty-seven degrees all year round. Boston is the opposite of what I am used to: huge, populated, and chilly. I come from a miniscule island in the middle of the Pacific Ocean. The population is around 48,000 and the climate is tropical. My tiny "rock" is only twelve miles long and five miles wide, which means a stroll to the beach is only ten minutes. The tallest objects are not skyscrapers, but acres of palm trees. The lifestyle there varies greatly with the lifestyle here at Boston. While people in the city are always in a rush, the people in Saipan enjoy a slower pace of life. We have a carefree and relaxed attitude, and we are known for our hospitality towards visitors. Because of the tiny population, everybody is acquainted with one another. Everyone in the community supports each other in times of happiness and grief. Just last year, a calamity struck Saipan when two young girls were kidnapped at a school bus stop. The whole community gathered together to search for the two missing children and prayed for their safety. Sadly, their whereabouts are still a mystery, and the whole island continues to be grieved by the loss. Saipan is also full of diversity with over eight countries and ten islands making up the population. Although I am Japanese and Filipino, I grew up learning Korean, Chinese, and Chamorro traditions from friends and neighbors. When people view Saipan, some picture a tropical paradise, while others see an island whose beauty is overshadowed by economic woes. I, however, will always remember Saipan as my home and the place that helped me become who I am today. It has taught me to be thankful for the blessings I have, to be creative with the limited resources around me, and to be involved in my community. Saipan helped me understand that diversity is a wonderful thing that adds flavor to any society. With its sandy beaches, cerulean sea, and azure sky, why would I ever think of leaving home? The most important thing my "rock" has taught me is to seize opportunities. My island is rich in beauty but scant in resources and possibilities. Just as the Puritans and adventurers sailed to Massachusetts in search of a better life, I am here at Boston University in search of opportunity. But enough about serious matters, I'm with my roommate in a dormitory that is 6,000 miles away from home. I hope you don't mind, but I dance along to music when I'm stressed and tired. I just suffered through a twenty-four hour flight and all I really want to do now is bust out my "moves like Jagger" as I unpack. My parents advised me to pack lightly, but there are just several items I cannot let go of. I know I won't have much time to read, but this copy of The Adventure of Sherlock Holmes will follow me everywhere. I am an avid fan of mystery novels, and Sherlock Holmes is my favorite detective. These two clothes that I packed may cause other people to gawk at me but they have sentimental value. Although we are in Boston, I cannot get rid of my "I LOVE TEXAS" shirt or my crimson Stanford University sweater. Every time I wear the Texas shirt, I recall my trip to Dallas for the National Forensics League Competition. Most of the students I traveled with there are now my lifelong friends. Wearing my Stanford sweatshirt reminds me of my days at the Junior Statesmen of America summer program in Palo Alto. It was an enlightening experience to form friendships with some of the most politically inclined students in America. I will always treasure those memories and I hope to form lasting ones here too. I am so elated to be here at Boston. Beaches and daisy dukes are great, but the city lights and glamour that I have read so much about brings a sparkle to my eyes. The city has it all-department stores, myriads of restaurants and cafés, flavor, and personality. I adore fashion as you can tell by my collection of Vogue, Elle, and Japanese fashion magazines. My favorite fashion icons are Audrey Hepburn, Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis, Coco Chanel, and Leighton Meester. They all exude class, grace, and elegance that I admire. I also respect Marilyn Monroe, Katy Perry, and Dita von Teese for breaking away from normality and making a statement. Clothes do not only cover but also tell a story to the whole world. That's what I love most about fashion: it gives off an impression. But one thing I enjoy more than fashion is food. Speaking of which, I am famished. I have been meaning to visit this quaint restaurant called The Elephant Walk. Care to join me? Oh, and could you please hand me my Boston sweatshirt? I haven't gotten used to the weather here yet, but I have four years to grow accustomed to Boston's climate and charm. Likewise, Boston has four years to grow accustomed to my liveliness and humor.
A. It is three weeks before the start of your freshman year at BU, and you are talking to your new roommate for the first time. Since you are trying to get to know each other, what are a few things you would want to share about who you are?
Any opinions, advice, and help on grammar are much appreciated!
My mother packed me a box full of just winter wear. She's afraid that I will freeze during the winter and I can see why she is worried. I'm accustomed to temperatures around eighty-seven degrees all year round. Boston is the opposite of what I am used to: huge, populated, and chilly. I come from a miniscule island in the middle of the Pacific Ocean. The population is around 48,000 and the climate is tropical. My tiny "rock" is only twelve miles long and five miles wide, which means a stroll to the beach is only ten minutes. The tallest objects are not skyscrapers, but acres of palm trees. The lifestyle there varies greatly with the lifestyle here at Boston. While people in the city are always in a rush, the people in Saipan enjoy a slower pace of life. We have a carefree and relaxed attitude, and we are known for our hospitality towards visitors. Because of the tiny population, everybody is acquainted with one another. Everyone in the community supports each other in times of happiness and grief. Just last year, a calamity struck Saipan when two young girls were kidnapped at a school bus stop. The whole community gathered together to search for the two missing children and prayed for their safety. Sadly, their whereabouts are still a mystery, and the whole island continues to be grieved by the loss. Saipan is also full of diversity with over eight countries and ten islands making up the population. Although I am Japanese and Filipino, I grew up learning Korean, Chinese, and Chamorro traditions from friends and neighbors. When people view Saipan, some picture a tropical paradise, while others see an island whose beauty is overshadowed by economic woes. I, however, will always remember Saipan as my home and the place that helped me become who I am today. It has taught me to be thankful for the blessings I have, to be creative with the limited resources around me, and to be involved in my community. Saipan helped me understand that diversity is a wonderful thing that adds flavor to any society. With its sandy beaches, cerulean sea, and azure sky, why would I ever think of leaving home? The most important thing my "rock" has taught me is to seize opportunities. My island is rich in beauty but scant in resources and possibilities. Just as the Puritans and adventurers sailed to Massachusetts in search of a better life, I am here at Boston University in search of opportunity. But enough about serious matters, I'm with my roommate in a dormitory that is 6,000 miles away from home. I hope you don't mind, but I dance along to music when I'm stressed and tired. I just suffered through a twenty-four hour flight and all I really want to do now is bust out my "moves like Jagger" as I unpack. My parents advised me to pack lightly, but there are just several items I cannot let go of. I know I won't have much time to read, but this copy of The Adventure of Sherlock Holmes will follow me everywhere. I am an avid fan of mystery novels, and Sherlock Holmes is my favorite detective. These two clothes that I packed may cause other people to gawk at me but they have sentimental value. Although we are in Boston, I cannot get rid of my "I LOVE TEXAS" shirt or my crimson Stanford University sweater. Every time I wear the Texas shirt, I recall my trip to Dallas for the National Forensics League Competition. Most of the students I traveled with there are now my lifelong friends. Wearing my Stanford sweatshirt reminds me of my days at the Junior Statesmen of America summer program in Palo Alto. It was an enlightening experience to form friendships with some of the most politically inclined students in America. I will always treasure those memories and I hope to form lasting ones here too. I am so elated to be here at Boston. Beaches and daisy dukes are great, but the city lights and glamour that I have read so much about brings a sparkle to my eyes. The city has it all-department stores, myriads of restaurants and cafés, flavor, and personality. I adore fashion as you can tell by my collection of Vogue, Elle, and Japanese fashion magazines. My favorite fashion icons are Audrey Hepburn, Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis, Coco Chanel, and Leighton Meester. They all exude class, grace, and elegance that I admire. I also respect Marilyn Monroe, Katy Perry, and Dita von Teese for breaking away from normality and making a statement. Clothes do not only cover but also tell a story to the whole world. That's what I love most about fashion: it gives off an impression. But one thing I enjoy more than fashion is food. Speaking of which, I am famished. I have been meaning to visit this quaint restaurant called The Elephant Walk. Care to join me? Oh, and could you please hand me my Boston sweatshirt? I haven't gotten used to the weather here yet, but I have four years to grow accustomed to Boston's climate and charm. Likewise, Boston has four years to grow accustomed to my liveliness and humor.