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"Opportunity in China, math" - essay about personal perspective & life experience


ming2326 1 / -  
Nov 22, 2010   #1
I am not a native and therefore my essay writing skill is not very well```could somebody help me to improve my essay? And there is one major problem: the maximum is 500 words and I already wrote 600. Can somebody help me to shorten it?

The topic is: How would your academic interests, personal perspective and life experience add to the diversity of college campus.
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For fourteen years, I was taught that there is one rule in this world: the winners survive. I was born and raised in China, a country with fifteen billion people. Everybody there strives for opportunity.

Opportunity in China is not easy to get. People must constantly be alert and more importantly, well prepared. Maybe that explains why many parents send their children to one-on-one tutoring while they are still in...

bennyburns - / 6  
Nov 22, 2010   #2
For fourteen years, I was taught that there is one rule in this world: the winners survive. I was born and raised in China, a country with two billion people. Everybody there strives for opportunity.Opportunity is not the best word for this situation. Try success, or a synonym to success.

OpportunitySuccess in China is not easy to achieve . People must constantly be alert and, more importantly, well prepared. Maybe that explains why manyChinese/Oriental parents send their children to one-on-one tutoring while they are still in elementary school, stay home and make their children practice musical instruments instead of playing outside, send children to every contest or talent show, forcing them to face stresses they should not face at their age This sentence runs pretty long. You may want to consider breaking it up. . The parents might say, "We just want to make as much opportunities as possible for our children." However, the truth is they are just overloading their children.

I grew up in those surroundings. For eight years, my daily schedule had only three things: school, homework and after-school tutoring (I was lucky, some children had even more ).Where is the playtime? Playing is never allowed in China until you become successful.

Success is a magical word that should only exist in fairy tales, because nobody knows what that word really means. When I was eight, I asked the other kids what success meant to them. The answers were either "to have a lot of money" or "the freedom to do whatever you want." Money has no meaning to an eight-year-old kid, but the second answer seems to be more attractive to me: it means getting to enjoy the journey of life while I strive to succeed.

Mathematics was my favorite subject at that time. Other subjects tended to be boring because the teachers always told me to follow directions, to obey order, except the math teacher. My math teacher was an old man with grey hair and a pair of big glasses. "Solve them yourself" was his favorite phrase, and he was the only teacher who said it after assigning homework. I do not know if a good teacher should allow students freedom to do their work, but I do know that, he gave me the most precious thing in life: freedom to think for myself, independently? . Suddenly , my mind learned to fly.

If math is my favorite subject, then shall I become a mathematician? I do not know. Maybe years after I will not like it anymore. How do people know what they will want next moment? Things are always changing. One minute I thought life was all set to me, and the next second I was told I was going to America - the world of freedom.

I remember when I started learning English in elementary school; the very first word I learned was "Enjoy." I still remember how I twisted my tongue, and tried to pronounce this funny word "in-dʒɔi". And this is how my English teacher described the word: it is like you are eating ice cream in hot summer, and feeling the ice melting in your mouth. I really enjoyed the class that day, and after all these years, every time I say out the word "enjoy." A sense of sweetness hovers in my mouth. I call it "the taste of felicity."

This taste came out again the moment I landed in America. Life is freer in America, and the living philosophy here can be concluded best in three words: "take it easy." However, life is never easy, but life passes through. When you struggled to waked along the path of life, why don't you just stop and have a break? Take a deep breath and you will see there are actually many other ways, they may not all lead to success, but there will be one that suit you most. Now I finally understand why I like math so much: the answer is never important, what important is the process of solving the problems.

People are utilitarian; they rack their brains trying to achieve success. Like my parents, they already planned my future for me: go to a good college - get a good job - become successful. Obviously, something is missing, and that is enjoyment. Without enjoyment, life is at most a routine. As an incoming college freshman, I hope my life in college is fulfilled, not only of studying, but also enjoyment. To find out the joy of studying is what I am going to do.

I don't have enough experience to say whether it was good or not, but I liked it. To shorten it, you may want to take out the anecdote about the word "enjoy".


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