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"I am Optimistic" - academic interests, perspectives COMMON APP Essay



ayotal 3 / 7  
Dec 31, 2010   #1
Hello, and thank you in advance for coming to read this. The deadline is soon I know!!
If you could critique and give any thoughts you had on it, that would be really helpful!!

Prompt: A range of academic interests, personal perspectives, and life experiences adds much to the educational mix. Given your personal background, describe an experience that illustrates what you would bring to the diversity in a college community, or an encounter that demonstrated the importance of diversity to you.

The dashes are to make names and actual places private.

I am Optimistic

When I think about the "me" of that time, I am reminded of those uncomfortable feelings: regret, embarrassment, loneliness. Who was that person? It would be a convenient question to ask, but I cannot deny that in every one of the days I spent at L------- High School, it was "L----- W---------" who saw, heard, and felt the experiences that seem to belong to someone else.

Sunlight wavered through the limbs of a tree at the top of the plaza. The concrete was dappled with bits of uneven brightness, and I sat with my backpack slouched against my leg on the bench. I liked to take off my eyeglasses and observe the other students far down in the courtyard. Their faces smeared like flicks of oil paint, and I held my breath to be as still as possible. Once, I covered my ears and watched a slurred modern dance as they converged at the glass double-doors. I had become slow to enter the building. At certain moments I was paranoid that any laughter I heard directly behind me was intended for me. I pushed my palm on my forehead, swiping back a loose curl and headed for the main stairwell.

L------- High was home to two-thousand students from all over G---- County, and my old school, where I had gone since pre-kindergarten and where I knew everyone and everything, was a remote memory. Transferring schools, I faced frequent hurdles both socially and educationally that served to reveal a great deal to me about human diversity. I began to understand that diversity is not only the variance of ethnic and racial groups, but also the varying personalities of individuals. It was strange to learn of those things at a time where I felt most unlike the person I knew to be "me". Because of the days that I would call miserable and unbearable, I uncovered much about which piece I was in the school setting. Through embarrassment and awkwardness I realized that my role in the play was L----- W---------. With Jesus Christ as my Way, my faith in GOD and reliance on His strength allowed me to create relationships and understand that there must be a mixture of people, both physically and mentally in any school setting to generate the encounters which teach people about themselves and how to progress as a society.

I leaned against the doorway of my History class and glanced around. Mirth and the light-heartedness found only in high school met me, and as I found my seat and smiled, I was beside myself with the idea that these moments were mine. I had even managed to experience something like love, though not completely deserving of the name. "This is my life," I thought to myself. "Be not woeful, for I am optimistic!"

Thanks again and may GOD'S Favor and Blessings be upon you, your family, and your situation forever!

hg726 2 / 6  
Dec 31, 2010   #2
Ok, I get it your optimistic, but it doesn't sound like it... I believe you should focus and what makes you unique, and not so much about how high school was like 4 u.

Try to focus on the prompt -----> DIVERSITY, why is diversity IMPORTANT to you and what can YOU bring to a diverse college atmosphere. It seems to indirect for me, I don't get the main idea.

I don't mean to be rude, this would be an award winning poem, but could be better as a college admission essay.
I'm just trying to help
Cheers for Chile and GOOD LUCK !
OP ayotal 3 / 7  
Dec 31, 2010   #3
thanks so much! yeah i felt that maybe it didnt have a clear main idea, so im glad it just wasnt my thoughts.

i was trying to do the second part of the prompt "Or an encounter that demonstrated the importance of diversity to you" by showing the feelings i had about a diverse school setting and then realizing that its about 'being yourself' though that sounds cheesy..

thanks so much again, really helpful!

any other suggestions anyone?


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