'The origin of us' - Johns Hopkins Supplemental

Here's the first supplemental essay from Johns Hopkins.
The essay prompt is:

Johns Hopkins offers 50 majors across the schools of Arts and Sciences and Engineering. On this application, we ask you to identify one or two that you might like to pursue here. Why did you choose the way you did? If you are undecided, why didn't you choose? (If any past courses or academic experiences influenced your decision, you may include them in your essay.)

The origin of us

The study of the natural world in all its multi-faceted glory has fascinated me for years.
But of all its wonders, the evolution of own species - the dawn of Homo sapiens - particularly enthralls me. My fascination for this idea was amplified last summer when I decided to do a project titled "Phylogenetic Analysis of the position of human beings among the great apes".

I wish to pursue courses in both Biology and Anthropology, because I feel that these two fields will, when united, enable me to connect to my origins in the hot and sweltering African Rift Valley. That they will aid me in getting the bigger picture of our footprints on the Earth. And that from this, I may endeavor to glean glimpses of the murky future.

In particular, I would like to study the biological characteristics (e.g. cranial capacity) of the later hominids, such as those of the genii Australopithecus and Homo, to mark the gradual change in anatomical structure. I would like to collaborate with paleoanthropologists who study the evolution of human culture and to see if changes in human anatomy and morphology were manifested as changes in behavior. Finally I would like to a comparative study of the modern day human physiology and morphology with those of the oldest of our species and to predict changes that may occur in the future.

This quest which I wish to undertake is filled with bitter and harsh uncertainties but I hoe to be part of the expedition that reveals where "no man has ever gone before".

Please tear it apart as much as you want.
Thanks!

You should work on your conclusion. It does not relate to something you have said before and it seems trite and unoriginal.

If you got time, leave feedback on one of my essays.

You should focus more on the school and you - talk about how you would "fit in" there - since that is really what admissions wants to know.

Overall, great and descriptive essay :)

Could you critique and edit my science and art essay? Thanks and Good Luck

The fact that you know what you are talking about, makes this essay pop out. The only problem, to me, is that you dont really explain why you want to do this only how you plan to achieve it. I would explain more of what sparked this interest. It seems short, but there may be a character count or something.

Great Essay. I am in awe of your knowledge about anthropology. "hoe" should be "hope" lol. I am not sure if periods come before or after quotation mark.

You have some time to help with mine?

You seem very knowledgeable on your major, which is good. You mentioned some research you did but did not elaborate on it so you might want to do that. I like the last sentence.

Its good but I would suggest that you talk about specific programs at John Hopkins that would help you do that. Because what they want to know is why John Hopkins!? Because you could do all those things at another school that offers the same programs. So try to address it more to John Hopkins

So are you saying that I should give the names of the courses or something?

You're focusing too much on what you want to in the future. Tell the JHU people what you want to do there.