"outstanding psychology department" - UC Davis Waitlist Essay Help

I believe that UC Davis is the perfect choice for me in three ways. For starters, UC Davis has an outstanding psychology department which includes one of my main interests, Social-Personality Psychology. I have taken a majority of the psychology classes offered at my current community college and I believe UC Davis is the best place to further my studies in this field. Another reason UC Davis is perfect for me is the campus. I have heard time and time again that a university's campus is an important factor in where one wants to attend. From my research of UC Davis, the campus is isolated enough where students can focus on their studies but not so much that one can't enjoy themselves during periods of break. This nice balance of work and play sounds like a dream come true. The third and final reason is the freedom I will have. Although most students like to stay close to home, I yearn for a chance to venture out on my own and tackle life's challenges without the training wheels of my parents. In conclusion, UC Davis is the perfect place for me not only because of its outstanding psychology department but also for the perfect balance between work & play and the opportunity for me to experience life's challenges on my own.

Can someone proof read this for me??
Oh and it is a bit over 200 words and if someone can shorten it for me, that would be awesome too!!
Thanks!!

Greetings !

I have taken a majority of the psychology classes offered at my current community college (,) and I believe UC Davis is the best place to further my studies in this field. (If short sentence come does't not required before "and" for a long sentence before "and" comma is required.

OR

I have taken a majority of the psychology classes offered at my current community college. I believe that UC Davis is the best place to further my studies in this field.

From my research ( I think the word " research" is not suitable-you may based on my conspectus) of UC Davis, the campus is isolated enough ( enough not necessary) where students can focus on their studies but not so much that one can't enjoy themselves during periods of break. This nice balance of work and play sounds like a dream come true. The third and final reason is the freedom I will have.

In conclusion, UC Davis is the perfect place for me . ( IT IS NOT ONLY )because of its outstanding psychology department but also for the perfect balance between work & play ,and the opportunity for me to experience life's challenges on my own. (LONG SENTENCE)

The word "Perfect" repatedly for a few times. Try to use synonmys. CHECK YOUR PUNCTUATION.

Good Luck and regards

Isai

Yes! Great correction here. This comes from Strunk and White. Use a comma before the conjunction in a compound sentence.

I have taken a majority of the psychology classes offered at my current community college, and I am currently reading (what... what are you reading right now? I like the most recent book by Ellis about REPT. Tell not only what subjects interest you in this field but also what you have been reading. :-)

believe UC Davis is the best place to further my studies in this field. too obvious.

...isolated enough where that students can...

Don't use & in formal writing.

:-) This is pretty good, but I think it needs more discussion of recent advancements, articles you have read, research interests, etc. :-)