I had to overcome my greatest fear. I blacked out in front of forty-six delegates. MIT SUPPLEMENTAL

Tell us about the most significant challenge you've faced or something important that didn't go according to plan. How did You manage the situation? (200-250 words)

My energy levels began plummeting, my vision started to blur and my eyes slowly closed themselves.

Seconds later, I woke up in the arms of the security officer. Despite having spent weeks doing all my research, I blacked out in front of forty-six other delegates in the Food Security Commission at regional MUN. Within hours, the news had spread throughout the whole school, and some of my friends even nicknamed me" The Fainter". Against my expectations, the horrible humiliation I faced that day did not push me to quit public speaking. Instead, I was, more than ever motivated, and I was bound to overcome my fear of public speaking.

The upcoming winter holidays, I joined the Toastmasters Speaking club. For more than one months, through a series of prepared and impromptu speeches, coupled with the unbridled guidance of the Club coaches, I absorbed several techniques, as I gradually learned how to use brainstorming to guide my direction, vary my focal tone, facial expression, stance and body language to keep the audience focused. I spent day and night practicing, while reviewing videos of my previous speeches. Day by day, my oratory skills starkly improved, and I gained even more confidence in myself.

The day of the nationals finally came. After three grueling days of intense public speaking and debating, the proclamation of Delegate of Sweden as Best Delegate of the Food Security Commission, filled up my eyes with tears.

I had overcome my greatest fear.

Lorna, you absolutely need a transition paragraph between your first and second paragraphs. The first paragraph delivers this impression that it abruptly ended and then changed topic in the next line. As with all essays, you need to ease the reader into the next paragraph by using proper transition sentences or, as in this case, use a proper transition paragraph in order to show a number of things to the reader. The transition sentence should help to introduce the events that happened after you fainted at the Regional MUN.

After you fainted, were you treated differently by your peers? How did your teachers react to your fainting? Were you teased at school because you fainted? What other reasons made you embarrassed by what happened? Were these the factors that led you to join the Toastmasters Club? Why did you decide to join the club? These are the highly important questions that should be answered in the transition paragraph. That paragraph comes before you explain that you joined the Toastmaster Club during the winter holidays that year. Make sure to indicate that all of these related events happened within the same timeline. That is what will make this transition paragraph an effective method of introducing the next line of discussion. The rest of the essay is sufficient enough to complete the prompt response. All you need to add is the transition paragraph in order to make it work better.

@Holt
I'll will try improve it and post the new version in a few minutes. Do you mind poiting out some mistakes or verb tense I wrongly used and I would appreciate if you could propose me better vocabulary words.

Lorna, in the 3rd paragraph, you should have said "During the winter holidays that followed..." instead of "The upcoming winter holidays..." You need to be consistent in using the past tense because all of these events already happened. Next, when you say one, that is a singular form. Therefore, you should have said "one month" and not "one months" as months depicts a plural form. Don't forget that you also have some connecting word problems to take note of. For example, you should have inserted the word "the" in reference to "the Food and Security Commission at THE Regional MUN." As for the improvement of your vocabulary words, we can focus on improving that presentation once we are done editing the content of the essay. There is no sense in improving the vocabulary at this point because of the editing that needs to be done. Don't worry, I'll help you clean up the essay once we are sure that the content is already complete.

Maybe try to add a paragraph of how you will use your new found skill In the future.