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"overprotective parents, Peru" - TRANSFER INTERNATIONAL STUDENT



dreitagd 1 / -  
Jan 11, 2011   #1
I'm a student from the University Of Lima(Peru) I'm looking to get transfered to the university of connecticut to study MEM. The Essay question is:

Please include a thoughtful commentary on your academic goals and an explanation of reasons for leaving your present/most recently attended college, and for wanting to attend the University of Connecticut. If your educational attendance has not been continuous, your essay must include information about your activities during those times not spent in school.

This is my first draft i'll appreciate very much your help...

The application never mention a limit of words but o someone know something let me know... Thanks!!

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Essay

Since I was little girl, my parents were always overprotective with me. Maybe because I was their first children, maybe because they had a trauma as consequence of the terrorism era in Peru. I will never get to know real reason, but I'm pretty sure that fact of not letting me experience international exchanges, was closing door for my professional future. I can`t complain, my parents gave me the opportunity to visit a lot of countries in and out of Latin America (turistic travels), but that wasn't enough for me. Especially when I met exchange students at high school, they had a whole different perspective about life, manners, etc. That was the moment when I realized that I had to look for that kind of experiences by myself. This event was a good influence to follow IBO program that would open doors to my professional development.

I remember that the main requisite to be considered for this program was belong to the upper third of your class for the first 3 year of high school and get grades higher than 13 in English in order to give a warranty that you will obtain the FCE for the final year of the IBO program. I think that those were my first academic challenges knowing that I have never being in the upper third of my class before high school. When the three years had passed I was part of the upper third of my class and I got admitted at the IBO program and by the end of 2006 I got my IB diploma and the FCE certificate. Since then I knew I was capable of doing what I wanted with commitment and effort.

For personal reasons and the overprotective behavior of my parents I could not feel ready to apply to the university that i had in mind by that time(new haven). Thus I had decided studying in the university of Lima where I belong to the upper third of the faculty. Once a could be able to apply and be able to understand more things about engineering I wanted to be part of a program related with development of the society but I wasn't able to find something like in the short term because University of Lima do not offer research programs with a lot of frequency. Thus last summer(2010) I accepted to help my father at work with translation of burners manual they import from the USA and evaluation the profitability of projects while I was waiting calls for interviews to an intership. I also had the opportunity to travel to an international exhibition about heating and cooling systems, in Orlando(AHR EXPO) as a translator and look for new purveyors. When I was there I remembered my first visit to Connecticut, which was on my first year of IB program. I went with my mom and my little sister to visit my godmother, with that journey I felt in love of Connecticut. I was so excited about that flashback that I decided to use that money from work to go back to CT. Once I got there I had the opportunity to visit Uconn. Obviously I was shocked with the beauty and complete infrastructure of the campus but also i was thrilled about the emphasis of unity between the students when it comes to sports. It doesn't matter if you don't play that sport I noticed that the most important thing was unity and support for the team and another important thing was the organization for research and develop programs for the community compared to the University of Lima. I have to recognize the University of Lima has great professors that have transmitted me their knowledge and experiences from life in order to be a good professional with ethical foundations, but i feel that the whole institution doesn't have that environment that would help me to reach my future goals.

Shandana 4 / 12  
Jan 12, 2011   #2
Not bad - just check your grammar. Also, don't end on a negative note about why you don't wan't to be where you are at the moment. Tell us why you want to be where you're applying instead.


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