"Pacing and pacing" - Fsu Admission Essay Vires

Topic: For almost one hundred years, the Latin words, "Vires, Artes, Mores" have been the guiding philosophy behind Florida State University. Vires signifies strength of all kinds - moral, physical, and intellectual; Artes alludes to the beauty of intellectual pursiuts as exempflified in skill, craft, or art; and Mores referes to character, custom, or tradition. Describe how one or more of the values embodied in these concepts are reflected in you life.

So i try to not do the casual restate prompt and what not. But is my essay clear enough that im talking about Vires(strength) anything that you see that needs to be fixed. do tell thanks

Essay

Pacing and pacing, I've walked back and forth for hours and I have reached the concrete beneath my floor. If I keep this up my head might just spontaneously combust, but what does a ten year old understand about stress? My brain was on a nonstop roller coaster ride, could not sleep or focus in school, had to figure out a plan and solve this terrible issue to come. Ten year old boys should be playing video games and enjoying the stress free life, not actually being stressed. Now I realize what my grandparent's meant when they told me to enjoy my youth, I should not wish it away because soon enough you will be wishing for it back.

Right when I thought I might have the answers, it happened; my life had completely changed inside out. As a person I am very talkative and friendly not afraid to start a conversation, but not in your face. After my parents getting divorced all that had changed, I became quiet and too myself did not care for friends really. Even though it was the most cohesive part of my life, I am in fact glad it happened. Having this tragic affair did make me into the person I am today, a good, wholesome person. I've become a stronger person mentally and have become independent from it; Also have learned concepts that I should learn in my thirties or forties. Adapted into a caring and loving person, realizing what life is about and how I should go about life and live it to the fullest, in an admirable way of course. Without this experience, I would still be young minded and immature, I've grown so much from it that I think that I am older in mind than I am on paper. Strength is within me, and I should thank my parents for their decision, even though I use too resent it. So do you believe that I represent "Vires?" If I walked the grounds of Florida State University, that question would be answered.

Pacing and pacing, I've paced back and forth for hours, sneakers grinding against the concrete beneath my floor.

How about a semi-colon here:

Now I realize what my grandparent's meant when they told me to enjoy my youth; I should not wish it away, because soon enough you will be wishing for it back.

In that first paragraph, it would be good to give a succinct answer to their question about those Latin words. Part of good composition is introducing an essay in a way that lets the reader know what your main point is -- and then "arguing" your point.

You have a great way of writing! It is going to have to get more organized, though. I think it would be good to try breaking this into more paragraphs, adding to them, and then rearranging them. See what you come up with.

Add a sentence to the intro paragraph that answers this: Describe how Vires is reflected in you life. You DO a great job of capturing it throughout the essay, but I wonder if you can capture it in a single sentence in that intro paragraph.

You make the change sound so sudden, without explanation. You say you became "quiet" and "to yourself" but you should focus on how that change happened. Otherwise, your essay will sound fake and forced.