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"a Paradigm Shift?" - Common App: Significant Experience -- Translating



DezzyBryant 1 / 5  
Dec 18, 2010   #1
Something that I did at a Camp 2 years ago. It's kind of unfinished near the end as I'm still deciding how I should conclude.

Option #1. Evaluate a significant experience, achievement, risk you have taken, or ethical dilemma you have faced and its impact on you.

"Have you ever heard of a Paradigm Shift?'

As I listened and got ready to translate from English to Chinese, I could not help but feel intimidated as four hundred pairs of eyes stared upwards at me.

...
after edits:

Standing in front of the class, I glanced down at my suddenly unfamiliar looking notes and realized with growing horror that I had come underprepared. Spluttering repeatedly, I searched for the right words to say but I had become so tense that I could not put together a cohesive presentation. Ten painful minutes later, I experienced the dreadful feeling of retreating back to my seat in shame.

A couple of years later, those feelings still lingered as I got ready to interpret (or 'orally translate') a presentation, from English to Mandarin. I waited in what looked like a press conference table, facing rows of foldable wooden seats. The speaker, Jean, was a kind lady who had done these multimedia sessions for several years. While I watched her fiddle with the large projector screen behind me, I felt like an amateur, out of place in this professional setup. The memory haunted me and I became increasingly terrified of messing up and letting everyone down. I did not even know how loud to speak into a microphone.

Local Chinese Students and teachers alike started filling in the rows from the front. Using the microphone, I greeted them in order to gauge how loud I should speak. Soon, the hall was packed and buzzing with excitement. The lights dimmed and there was an immediate hush.

Jean began,
"Have you ever heard of a Paradigm Shift? That is the topic of today's presentation. It is when one changes their perspective completely. You see, it..."

I listened nervously as she continued. More than four hundred pairs of eyes watched intently.

However, as I glanced at the rows of eager faces, I understood the responsibility I held. The students could barely understand what Jean was saying in English, so they relied on me to deliver the same message. And, in order to do my best, I realized I needed to let those insecurities go. Over the last few years, I had let those memories restrict me, often formulating so many negative 'what ifs' that it only created more fear. Afraid of embarrassment, I would hold myself back, which actually just made things worse. Now was not the time to hold back. By being so concerned with how I would look, I had lost sight of why I had even come to the camp - to teach. I needed to have faith in myself, and move on.

Once Jean was done, I readjusted myself, took a deep breath, and began...

A resurging confidence surged through me as I saw the students nodding in sync to what I translated. Once I was done, it was Jean's turn again.

I had expected interpretation to be fully methodical. So, I was surprised when I realized how creative and flexible the process actually was. The complexity of the two languages meant that each sentence could be expressed in several slightly different ways, in several different tones. I had the freedom to choose, since I was interpreting what she was saying, rather than just translating. What effect was she trying to create? How could I add to it? These nuances allowed me to add my own personal touch to the presentation; I loved playing with the words and it now seemed ridiculous to me how anxious I had been earlier.

Two hours later, the presentation was done. I thoroughly enjoyed the experience and hoped the students had learned a lot. Of course, I had a few missteps: several difficult phrases were stumbling blocks, even after reviewing many of them with Jean earlier in the day. Previously, I had approached such failures with the wrong mindset: mistakes became memories which I would beat myself with. But on this day, I chose to accept them. I saw them as part of an overall learning process, and I could tell that the students appreciated that too. They were glad that someone they saw as a peer was up there participating with genuine passion. Normally, I would have been a passive listener in the crowd. Instead, I finally understood a deep rooted fear within me and how it had caused so many damaging consequences. I had chosen to limit myself by shrinking away from opportunities that required public speaking, believing that they would have negative outcomes. During this interpretation experience, I finally conquered that fear and regained confidence in my speaking abilities. The presentation had been about about paradigm shifts, and as I reflect, it is clear that I experienced one.

sarah077 1 / 4  
Dec 18, 2010   #2
"I had always been intrigued by interpretation"- elaborate on this. Tell us what makes interpretation intriguing to you...I think by the end you accomplish this, however.

Overall ,I like the topic- it's original.And the writing is good as well- you don't just plain out say " I was nervous," you describe it. Still some room for improvement, but a nice first draft!

As for the ending, I think when you look back at it again you will see a few nice conclusions. Has this experience encouraged you to take more risks, to not be that "passive listener?"
OP DezzyBryant 1 / 5  
Dec 18, 2010   #3
^Thank You!!

I changed it a bit to make it more personal!
Please help me: Tighten up the writing (it's too long!)/cut the excess (currently 900 word)
Correct grammar mistkaes
Thanks in advance!!
----

"Have you ever heard of a Paradigm Shift?'

As I listened and got ready to translate from English to Chinese, I could not help but feel intimidated as I saw four hundred pairs of eyes looking up at me.

A day ago, an organizer had requested interpreters for the multimedia sessions. I was part of a large summer camp that involved teaching English to local high school students in ___, China, and everything relied on the collaborative...

...
OP DezzyBryant 1 / 5  
Dec 19, 2010   #4
I'm going to fix the Intro/Conclusion + edit grammar + cut down some words but I'm mostly concerned with the general length.

Is it too wordy at times? Too long on some areas? Is it engaging enough, or are some parts boring/unnecessary?

Going to submit my stuff in a few days, so thanks in advance to any helpers!!!
EF_Kevin 8 / 13053  
Dec 28, 2010   #5
I had the idea that you could move "Ummm..."
Like this:
Standing in front of the class, I glanced down at my suddenly unfamiliar looking notes and realized with growing horror that I had come underprepared. "Um..." Spluttering repeatedly, I searched...

I don't know why I like it better that way. I guess I think it is more effective if you move it, because if it is the first thing the reader sees, it is hard to interpret.

...could tell that the students appreciated that too.

Use a hyphen: deep-rooted

Ha ha, I like the ending, very cool use of the paradigm concept. This whole essay is enjoyable to read and very meaningful. You did a great job!


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