Finish one of the following thoughts...
a. The last time I...
b. The first time I...
c. Never again will I...
The prompt also said that I could be playful but if the moments calls to be serious, I have to be serious. I know there are quiet a few errors in here, but I kind of just rushed to put it together. Hope you like it!
Thank you! Edited version below.
The first time I went parasailing, I can admit, I wanted to turn around and head back to the shoreline, where parents were tightly holding onto the kids as the waded in the water. My mom decided to go with me, for moral support .(i think you should simplify these sentences) As the Bahamian man turned the boat's engine on, I thought to myself, "What am I doing? I'm afraid of heights.(you could put a comma instead) I can't do this.(and here an exclamation mark)" Nevertheless (not sure nevertheless is the right word to use in here), the boat sped ahead while I frightfully clutched onto the side of the boat.
When the boat had reached the platform in the middle of the ocean, I grew excited that I had at least reached a checkpoint in the road to parasailing. However, this excitement did not last long. When my pruned toe touched the surface of the sandy platform, the head absorbed all of my confidence. A couple that had been strapped in flew past us as we waited upon the platform.
Another couple before us gave me some reassurance, saying that to ensure a great "flight", we should bend our knees. When it was our time to get strapped in, I jumped around in nervousness and because my feet had dried and the heat was once again attacking my feet (not clear, restructure it). The Bahamian gave a thumbs up and the chords attached to us yanked us. My dad and I ran towards the edge of the platform, prepared to jump into open water. However, when we did, it turned out that we ended up in the air and not the water. My flight was smooth. I saw the coral happily resting at the seafloor and a palette of different shades of blue below me. My dad's flight wasn't as smooth, has he didn't not bend his knees and ended up dangling throughout the entire life.
This once-in-a-lifetime experience truly gave me something to be proud about (-> of). I realized that nothing is impossible as long as you jump for the skies and overcome your fears. Although my confident (confidence) dissipated at the beginning, things became smooth sailing after I let go of the fear that things would not turn out alright.
Nice essay, i just feel that you wrote too much in detail . your last paragraph is the most interesting one, so try n flip your essay! captivate the reader at first. and be clearer in the body, i didn't get some of what you were trying to say.
ps: please help me in my essay in return, i have to send it in an hour.
