Do I address the prompt adequately, and does my story flow well??
The University of Washington seeks to create a community of students richly diverse in cultural backgrounds, experiences, and viewpoints. How would you contribute to this community?
Growing up in a family where neither of my parents attended college has provided me with truly diverse perspective on the world that I share with few others. They come from two contrasting cultural worlds (my mom is Irish and my dad is French), but share many of the same principles, and values, one of which is work ethic. Due to their lack of education, both of my parents work myriad hours to provide for the family. I have to relinquish much of my free time to look after my little brother, and take care of the house while my parents are gone. However, their dedication touches me, and the sacrifices I make are simply my compensation to them. They have had a significant influence on me, and epitomize who I am as an individual.
My mom represents the quirky, inquisitive side of me. She grew up in an impoverished family of seven where her Irish parents always stressed the importance of work ethic, but never encouraged her to pursue a higher education. Although she never attended college, she is a vivacious intellectual nonetheless, and her spirited imagination has always stimulated that of my own. I am most appreciative of the genuine sense of curiosity that she has instilled in me. She is always shedding light on new ideas, and ways of thinking.
My dad, on the other hand, embodies hard work, and determination. He dropped out of high school his freshman year, and once lead a life riddled with drug use. But through sheer perseverance and will power, he expelled his drug addiction of 10 plus years, and rectified his life. I don't get to see him much because he works 80 hours a week (2 jobs) to provide for our family, but, despite that, his dedication to our family inspires me.
In summation, I am the link to my parents' seemingly incompatible, contrasting backgrounds. There's the analytical, sensitive side of me. The side of me that reads the works of Brautigan, and Alan Ginsburg out of curiosity, and stays up at night watching independent films. The side of me that frets about my acne, my grades, and my future. The side of me that is constantly worried about where I am going to be next year.
Adversely there's also the lively, go-getter side of me. The leadership side of me that embraces adversity, and jumps at the opportunity to resolve a conflict, or clear up a dispute between two individuals. The paternal side of me that looks after my brother while my parents are at work. The side of me that will do whatever it takes to be the first in my family to attend college.
Your essay is well written Albert! :)
Though I'm not sure if you used 'epitomize' correctly. I am not sure. Maybe I am wrong. Please ignore if I am!
Also you used compensate somewhere in the first para, I am not sure but it seems like you could replace it with a better word to bring out what you mean more. How about gratitude? Just a suggestion... :-)
The part where you describe your personality is the perfect way to end this essay.
The side of me that frets about my acne, my grades, and my future. The side of me that is constantly worried about where I am going to be next year.
This line is very organic. I get a sense of 'real you' through your words. Nice job!
The side of me that will do whatever it takes to be the first in my family to attend college.
Beautiful line! I love the end. Really shows how determined you are to go to college and make your parents proud.
All the best!
PLEASE read my other essay too if you could! Thanks!
