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'Passing storm' - MY FSU APPLICATION ESSAY


mugengangsta 1 / 4  
Sep 28, 2009   #1
For almost one hundred years, the Latin words, "Vires, Artes, Mores" have been the guiding philosophy behind Florida State University. Vires signifies strength of all kinds - moral, physical, and intellectual; Artes alludes to the beauty of intellectual pursuits as exemplified in skill, craft, or art; and Mores refers to character, custom, or tradition. Describe how one or more of the values embodied in these concepts are reflected in your life.

SORRY ABOUT ALL THE ERRORS A BETTER COPY WILL BE SUBMITTED LATER

As I was completing my FSU application it came to my attention that I have to write an essay. I was shocked because I had no idea what Vires Artes Mortes meant and how I exemplified it. Not until I went to my brace advisor seeking help did it hit me, Vires artes Mortes, or strengths of all kinds is something only learned through life experiences. Theres no book that's going to teach you moral and physical strength.

Growing up in south Florida working at Finish Line I have seen the best of people and the worst of people. The aftermath of Hurricane Wilma was one of the times when I saw the best of people and that hurricane changed my life. As the eye of the hurricane past we got a chance to go outside and see the damage. It was demoralizing, to see trees all over the street, roofs destroyed, and debris in every direction you looked. The only thing to do was pray because you knew that was only half of the damage we still had to take the other half of the hurricane.

When the storm finally passed it was as if a bomb went off in our community and it leveled our surroundings. Not one tree still stood. Right then and there it struck me, we all need to come together and tackle this problem as a community, instead of sitting around waiting for power to come back. So I organized a plan (intectual mortes) to start cleaning up our neighborhood. I gathered about 12 of my closest friends. The plan was to first start cutting up trees to clear the roads. We all gathered tools from our garages weather it was a chainsaw or a puny axe, everyone helped. It was hard work, you had the sun beating down on your back and every time you swung the axe you felt as if your body was going to give in ( physical vires). As we worked day in and day out the blocked roads began to look empty and then the day came when we looked up and some the street lights came back. The humming sound of a/c's running came back and that strange silence seemed to be gone. That feeling was like no other and it goes to show that hard work really does pay off.

Due to my self-confidence I came out of this disaster a stronger person. Throughout life you learn things but only in under serious conditions do things really stick to you. The aftermath of hurricane Wilma is something I will never forget and is something that taught me great strengths. Strengths that I feel prepare me to be a Florida State Seminole.

Llamapoop123 7 / 442  
Sep 28, 2009   #2
First of all...did you run this through spell check at least? cause

xpiercnces

is is rather comical spelling choice...there are also many other misspellings.

Not until I went to my brace avsior seeking help did it hit me, Vires artes Mortes, or strengths of all kinds is something only learned through life xpiercnces.

Describe how one or more of the values embodied in these concepts are reflected in your life.

^What is a "brace" advisor? Also, as you can see, it is quite obvious that the question is asking you for life experiences so it is kind of odd that you needed an advisor to inform you of this.

You need not relive your entire thought process in your introduction.

It was demoralizing trees all over the street roofs destroyed

^Hmmm...demoralized trees.

The only thing to do was pray because you knew that was only half of the damage we still had to take the other half of the hirrucance.

^Well technically you did not see "half" of the damage.

It was hard work, tyou had the sun beating down on your back and evrytime you swung the axe you felt as if your body was going to give in ( physical vires).

^You don't need to point this out especially.

Due to my slefconfiedence(moral vires) I came out of this disaster a stronger person.

^Same here. And self confidence is not moral vires.

The aftermath of hurricane Wilma is something I will never forget and is something that taught me great streenths. Strengths that Ifeel preparre me to be a Florida State Seminole.

^Huhhhhhh????? Hurricane Wilma? I thought you were talking about Katrina???
OP mugengangsta 1 / 4  
Sep 28, 2009   #3
Hey thanks a lot Boxin i was in a rush when i left library. But im going to run it through the spell check now and go back through it and anyhting that seems wrong. Also could you give me a couple examples of moral vires oh and should i be putting the vires in parentheses.

Just finished the editing let me know what you think.
simkayla 1 / 4  
Sep 29, 2009   #4
I think your intro is good and different!
OP mugengangsta 1 / 4  
Sep 29, 2009   #5
Thanks let me know if you see anything i can change or if i should just scrap the whole thing.

Hey can so more people please leave feedback
pcvrz34g 22 / 117  
Sep 29, 2009   #6
I don't like your intro. Why do you say you needed help knowing it? It just makes you sound.. weaker and less educated. What's a brace adviser btw?

Growing up in south Florida working at Finish Line I have seen the best of people and the worst of people. The aftermath of Hurricane Wilma was one of the times when I saw the best of people and that hurricane changed my life.

you went from working at Finish Line to aftermath of Wilma.. I don't get the connection.
Don't point out. Don't do (physical) or whatever. The readers should be able to know if it's Vires, Artes, or Mores through your writing if you wrote well.
OP mugengangsta 1 / 4  
Sep 29, 2009   #7
Hey Julia thanks for the feedback i guess my school is alot differnet from others umm a brace advisor is basically your college guidance. In my case its a lady and she basically keeps you up to date with scholarships, due dates, and things like that.

Im not to sure about the intro how to chnage it up and holy shit i saw your intro and its ridiculous sounds like a award winning poem. Maybe you could drop me some tips.

Also when i say i work at finishline i mean i have customer service expiernce so i have seen the rudest people and the nicest ones and in the after nath of the storm i saw really nice kind people.
pcvrz34g 22 / 117  
Sep 29, 2009   #8
If you're going to talk about "brace advisor" maybe you should explain because Boxin and I didn't know what they were and by chance, the readers may not as well.

haha thanks. i write poetically, which is not always a good thing. i'm actually trying to stop that.

as for the intro, i would just take out the first paragraph. it has nothing to do with the rest of the essay. and i'd leave out finish line too. a little irrelevant. start out with just hurricane wilma. it's much more direct effect.

and make sure you fix your grammar. there are parallel errors and run-on sentences.
OP mugengangsta 1 / 4  
Sep 30, 2009   #9
Got you im going to work on it latere today maybe in school a little bit and it would be nice if you could check back and see the changes.I might change to a visual introduction with a really descriptive kind of thing goign on.


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