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Passion Behind Computers (intended major)



EDD 3 / 6  
Nov 21, 2011   #1
Hi, there! I'm a transfer student writing my UC application essay. I was hoping that you guys can read over and edit anything that you can think of and see. I really appreciate for your time and effort. Also, write down your opinions too (I won't get offended) so I can improve on this essay. Thanks!

PROMPT: What is your intended major? Discuss how your interest in the subject developed and describe any experience you have had in the field - such as volunteer work, internships and employment, participation in student organizations and activities - and what you have gained from your involvement.

Each day, we see things that fascinate us very easily, like a child observing magic for the first time. It grabs our attention and human nature teaches us that we want to learn. The thing that grabbed my attention is a computer. We live in an age where technology is the most powerful tool ever used on the planet. Computers are highly popular in this century and we use it on a daily basis. My skills around computers proved to be undeniable, for I know that this is what I want to work with in the future; computer science is my intended major in college.

Computers have always been a part of my childhood life, and I was fascinated for the first time I laid eyes on this "magic box" (which is what I called it when I was a child). Even to this day, I still use computers at various locations, such as my school, my home, my work, and at my church. I first became involved with computers ever since I first attended church. Joining the media team was the best decision I have ever made in my life. Being part of this group helped me enhance my computer skills such as PowerPoint, Excel, Word, and other basic programs that the church used. We also provided technological lyrics, audio/visual aid and other media aspects that helped our congregants visually and auditorily. Throughout the years, my skills around a computer have continued to improve and my knowledge for technology has been dramatically enhanced, thanks to the people that have taught me everything that I know. Learning about computers is what keeps my passion fueled up and nothing would ever extinguish that.

With the teachings that I have learned, I continue to apply them even to this day and use them to teach others. At my place of my employment, some employees were technologically illiterate, and I was happy to teach them. Whenever I teach computers to someone, I want them to experience the same joy and happiness that I experienced when I first learned about computers. That made me who I am today. The knowledge that I had gained in the past is the wisdom in the future.

I may have experiences with computers, but not much with programming. When I was attending college, I took a computer science class where we were taught how to use Python. It was similar to C++, but it was a tool for beginners. It was meant to teach us how to program basics before we move on to advanced programming. I had fun writing programs with Python, and I still use it today for practice. Also, in my spare time, I have watched videos on YouTube and read programming books in order to gain an understanding on how to create more complex codes, and honestly, it is an intricate subject. Challenges are what I adore, and it helps me become a better student and a person. Learning about computers may be a challenge, but learning about programming will be no different.

What I gained from these experiences is the knowledge about computers, but I gained something else out of all this: passion. If my passion for computers made me successful initially, then my passion for programming will turn me into a success. I admit I lack the experience in programming, but my goal is the same. My goal for the future, upon receiving a bachelor's degree, is to work in the field of computer security and possibly to teach others in my spare time at my graduating college. As I stated earlier, the knowledge in the past is the wisdom of the future. Throughout the rest of my life, I will continue to learn through my own experiences, learn what life has given me, and I will also offer my own unique perspective to the world and the people around me.

** ALSO, DOES THIS ESSAY ANSWER THE QUESTION. ALSO, I KNOW THAT I LACK EXPERIENCE IN COMPUTER SCIENCE, BUT CAN THIS PERSUADE THE ADMISSIONS PEOPLE? **

shtickball - / 6  
Nov 22, 2011   #2
you mention a lot of obvious things about computers. you also need more sentence variation. it goes like this, then this. i see this, a lot. you need to switch it up, now.
MEM4FP 4 / 3  
Nov 22, 2011   #3
Behind the Computer

Hello! I was wondering if you can help me edit this essay for UC Transfer application. I have many concerns about this essay, because it does sound repetitive, and I don't think it barely answers the question. Also, do I answer the last part of the question?

Any opinions, comments, concerns are appreciatively welcome, I won't be offended. Thanks!

PROMPT: What is your intended major? Discuss how your interest in the subject developed and describe any experience you have had in the field - such as volunteer work, internships and employment, participation in student organizations and activities - and what you have gained from your involvement.

A "magic box" was what I called a computer when I was a child. Every day after school, I played games on my computer as soon as I finished my homework. I was captivated by the "magic" every time I looked at the computer screen, but how does a computer work, I asked? The answer is in the coding, strings of characters and numbers that help make up a software and help a system function. Computer science was born from this idea, and this is my intended major.

I have spent my entire life around computers, but never really grasped the concept of what makes a computer function. I figured I should start at the basics of computers. To help me achieve this, I became active in my church, where I was part of their media team. There, they taught me everything there is to know about computers, such as PowerPoint, Word, Excel, and other media related programs. We also provided technological lyrics, audio/visual aid and other media aspects that helped our congregants visually and auditorily. Throughout the years, my skills around a computer have continued to improve and my knowledge for technology has been dramatically enhanced, thanks to my mentors. Learning about computers is what keeps my passion fueled up and nothing would ever extinguish that. With the teachings that I have learned, I continue to apply them, even to this day, and use them to teach others. At my place of my employment, some employees were technologically illiterate, and I was happy to teach them. Whenever I teach computers to someone, I want them to experience the same joy and happiness that I experienced when I first learned about computers. That made me who I am today. The knowledge that I had gained in the past is the wisdom in the future.

Because of my curiosity about computer science, in college, I began to study about this subject. My participation in this major has pushed me out of my comfort zone and had me collaborate with my professor and other students about this intricate subject. Learning about Python language is what we learned because it helped us grasp a rudimentary idea of what programming is about. I admit, creating a complex code is complicated for the first time, but with proper guidance, I have received an above average grade. I continue to practice by writing complex codes, with the instructions from helpful YouTube videos and reading graduate-level textbooks, in my spare time to help me prepare for the future. Learning about programming, like computers, has been a challenge, but I know that by pushing me to be my best, will convert me into a success, and eventually, the journey will be all worth it in the end.

Due to my engaging experience with this intricate subject, I managed to solidify my passion for computer programming and I want to become involved in this field of expertise in my future, either as an analyst for the NSA or a security consultant for Microsoft. Although I initially applied to many colleges as a Computer Science major, I know that my experience or my academic work does not carry much weight in the long run. But, discovering my passion for computers, will be no different for Computer Science; this is what I gained throughout all my years. To fulfill my goal in becoming a computer programmer, I will value the protocols and paths that are laid out for me at a top-notch school, and I look forward to using their tools in order to build my future. My enthusiasm and my willpower are contagious, and I believe that I can truly become a success.
shadglore 2 / 12  
Nov 23, 2011   #4
Whenever I teach computers to someone

Because of my curiosity about computer science, in college, I began to study about this subject

Wrong wording in both cases.What about "When i teach computing" and "In college,my love for computers led me to opt Computer Science as my major"?(I'm only suggesting...)

Learning about programming, like computers, has been a challenge, but I know that by pushing me to be my best, will convert me into a success, and eventually , the journey will be all worth it in the end.(how about .." but I know with perseverance,the journey will be all worth it in the end"?(Again..its just me suggesting...)

Good essay but you know as a transfer you need to sound more matured and specific in your essay.The essay should " show" and NOT "tell"..You can seek help from your school's writing center with your essays.All the best.

Would you mind giving mine a critique?I'd really appreciate it.
S.
OP EDD 3 / 6  
Nov 23, 2011   #5
I thank you for your critique, but how exactly can I "show" not "tell" it? Any suggestions?


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