Below is the essay I am considering for the "elaborate on an extracurricular activity" portion of the Common Application. While I realize that I did not extensively talk about the activity in itself, I found that it is more meaningful to delineate why the activity being discussed is important to me. However, if anyone feels differently, I would really appreciate comments and feedback! (Also, I need to trim the word count by about 30-40 words...)
For confidentiality purposes, let's call her Patient X. My fascination with Patient X and others like her started with one simple question I received from my grandfather: "How did your baseball team do this summer?" His face beaming with a sort of unrealized foresight, I could never quite manage to conceal the smugness I felt upon telling him that our team won the summer league tournament. Or at least that is the way it was the first time I told him. During that summer, I slowly saw less and less of the grandfather I once knew, as his life ultimately became claimed by Parkinson's and Alzheimer's diseases. Yet buried beneath the sadness surrounding his illnesses was a seed of curiosity. And from that seed grew a passion and yearning to understand that has not only led to my involvement in a clinical study involving patients suffering from neurological diseases, but has also given me the chance to meet some truly courageous and inspiring people in the process: people just like my grandfather. Together, Patient X and my grandfather have fostered a passion that I am sure will last a lifetime.
For confidentiality purposes, let's call her Patient X. My fascination with Patient X and others like her started with one simple question I received from my grandfather: "How did your baseball team do this summer?" His face beaming with a sort of unrealized foresight, I could never quite manage to conceal the smugness I felt upon telling him that our team won the summer league tournament. Or at least that is the way it was the first time I told him. During that summer, I slowly saw less and less of the grandfather I once knew, as his life ultimately became claimed by Parkinson's and Alzheimer's diseases. Yet buried beneath the sadness surrounding his illnesses was a seed of curiosity. And from that seed grew a passion and yearning to understand that has not only led to my involvement in a clinical study involving patients suffering from neurological diseases, but has also given me the chance to meet some truly courageous and inspiring people in the process: people just like my grandfather. Together, Patient X and my grandfather have fostered a passion that I am sure will last a lifetime.