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"My passion on Urban Planning" UIUC TRANSFER - Academic & Professional Goals


ivannayuan 1 / 1  
Jan 28, 2013   #1
In an essay of 300 words or less, explain your motivation to transfer from your current/former institution to Illinois and how your academic interests and/or professional goals will be fulfilled in your intended program of study.

My interest in Urban Planning was developed after my travels during my exchange year and gap year. It all starts with my observation of the transportation system in Seattle, a city built on hills. In Seattle, I was amazed by the brilliant idea of using buses and underground tunnels to solve the geographical deficiency for building subways; However, I found a flaw that there is no mobile phone service at all in the tunnel - even in the busiest downtown area. This observation made me drawn to question the efficiency of networking through the underground life of city. Thus, I continued observing other cities' transportation systems: in Shanghai and Beijing, I was able to question in more depth and see deficiencies from various angles - from stop directions to station design. At that moment, I was inspired that no matter how beautiful the cities are, there are always details to work on in order to provide urban populations better living experiences. In order to fulfill my interest in Urban Planning, I joined some volunteering works afterwards. By joining Valley Transportation Authority's Adopt-A-Stop Program, I got to actually fix the flaws that I observed in local transportation. Through helping food pantry for West Valley Community Service, I get to know how to improve the quality of a community by helping and communicating with low-income residents.

The experience of observing transportation systems in various cities, together with the volunteer work, leads me to the decision of majoring in Urban Planning. UIUC, as a school has an amazing Urban Planning program, is definitely a place that I've been dreaming for to pursue my further goal in creating more efficient and aesthetically pleasing cities for people to live in. Thus, I want to hold on to this chance and apply for UIUC.

PS: The deadline is Feb. 1st. Advice is needed!!!! Since English is not my first language, there may be some grammatical problems, please point it out for me!!! Thanks so much!!!

dumi 1 / 6,928 1592  
Jan 28, 2013   #2
My interest in Urban Planning was developed after my travels during my exchange year and gap year.

I feel it may sound better if you change the word organization;
The travels during my exchange and gap years advend my keen interset in Urban Planning.

Thus, I continued observing other cities' transportation systems: in Shanghai and Beijing, I was able to question in more depth and see deficiencies from various angles - from stop directions to station design.

So I continued observing transportation systems in other cities; Shanghai and Beijing. I analysed them in depth to understand their deficiencies from various aspects; from "stop directions" to station design.

UIUC, as a school has an amazing Urban Planning program, is definitely a place that I've been dreaming for to pursue my further goal in creating more efficient and aesthetically pleasing cities for people to live in. Thus, I want to hold on to this chance and apply for UIUC.

This is all what you have said about how you pursue your goals at UIUC. I wish you had expanded on it a little more cutting down a few lines from the previous paras.
OP ivannayuan 1 / 1  
Jan 29, 2013   #3
Thanks for your advice! I appreciate it so very much! :)
admission2012 - / 481 90  
Jan 29, 2013   #4
Hello,

This is a good essay. Your travels lend credibility to your assertions. However, there is one major flaw. Your entire essay is more focused around the transportation aspect of Urban Planning. This would be fine except that you close by stating that your goal is to "create more efficient and aesthetically pleasing cities." Normally these are two seperate subsets of Urban Planning. For this short essay, you need to be as succinct as possible. Because of this, I highly suggest that you pick one track and stick with it throughout the entire short essay. We can help. -AAO

Hope this helps


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