Penn "Engage Academically"- Engineering (Computer Science)

Prompt:
A Penn education provides a liberal arts and sciences foundation across multiple disciplines with a practical emphasis in one of four undergraduate schools: the College of Arts and Sciences, the School of Engineering and Applied Science, the School of Nursing, or the Wharton School. Given the undergraduate school to which you are applying, please discuss how you will engage academically at Penn.

thank you guys! I took all of your comments and synthesized them into an edited version of my essay. I would really appreciate it if you could give it another read:

Throughout high school, computer science has offered me a way to create. Unlike my other classes, which involve reading a textbook and answering questions or solving equations, my computer courses have allowed me to take concepts I learned in class and turn them into software that can be used in the real-world. I remember being so excited when I learned ArrayLists in Java that I went home that night and created an interactive polynomial solver to use in my Precalculus class. The Penn School of Engineering and Applied Sciences' unique academic experience that reaches past the walls of the classroom will fuel my passion for learning beyond the textbook and ultimately allow me to fulfill my dream of creating my own software design company.

Penn professors center their courses around the applications of a material, the type of learning that initially drew me to computer science. One class I look forward to taking, "Intro to Human Language Technology", not only teaches you the Wordnet Processor for Voice Recognition but also its applications in modern-day technology, like iPhone's Siri. In high school, my most enjoyable and intellectually stimulating moments came from hands-on software development with my teacher. Thus, the Summer Undergraduate Research in Engineering Program excites me greatly. By working one-on-one with professors, I will be able to fuel my passion for learning-by-doing and be left with a meaningful product that can be used to help the Penn community.

The Dining Philosophers, Penn's computer science interest group, is an organization I first learned about when I participated in the Philadelphia Classic, a programming competition sponsored by them. The quirky sense of humor and the passion for problem solving I saw in its members show me I would feel right at home in the organization. In addition, their PennApps contest is a competition that will allow me to implement my many ideas for applications, such as an educational Virtual Stock Market for finance students, while also learning about the entrepreneurial aspect of engineering.

Ultimately, the intriguing coursework and the extracurricular opportunities make Penn Engineering a school that will foster my academic growth and makes me eagerly look forward to the next four years.

the only problem is it is about 70 words over the limit, so if there are parts you believe are weaker/could be cut out, please let me know! thanks!

This is how you start your answer.... But I wish if you give more prominance to yourself. Why not keep everthing rotating around you? Why not tell them what your academic aspirations are and how Penn would engage you to achieve them?

If I am you, I would start from that point, I mean what you intend to earn at Penn, and then come to Penn's capabilities that would be just the thing you've been longing ; )

Your essay shows that you prepared well for the further learning of computer science.
But I think you should focus on two to three projects that will greatest impacts on you and rather than mention every work.
(ps. you can make a resume as additional material to state all your achievements.)
In the beginning, you can tell the AO more about why you choose this major and your inner motivation, and probably mention some of your achievement.

It would be better to state what you can change and affect the academic environment at the end.

Hope my comment helpful.

Your style may need a bit of focusing. Maybe you can have small paragraphs with extracurriculars in one, academics in another, volunteer service, etc. Consider what yisha said ^

If you're naming a lot of activities It seems too list-like

Despite that your essay definitely shows that you've researched the school well and have a good grasp on the role of Penn's programs in your academic future.

I'm applying to Penn too, so good luck to us both :)

Thanks for reading my essay and giving comments! I have a few questions though

Dumi: I took a while to write that first sentence and wasn't 100% sold on it, so the essay should revolve more around my interests and how they relate to penn rather than strictly the things at penn i like?

yisha: should I write about my motivation behind studying computer science in general? the only reason i don't think it has a place in here is just because its so short and I thought they wanted more penn specifically

AlexMA: yes I will definitely rearrange it. for these essays I have lists of all of the things I like about the specific program that I've gathered from the internet, campus visits, readings, etc., and the only trouble in doing that is the fact that it sounds too list-like.

thanks again! any other comments? I will post a revised version also after I make some more changes

focus more on yourself and why you want to study CS and whay at penn

Hi bigpapi;


rather than strictly the things at penn i like?
Well.... you should write the things you like at Penn, but you should present them in a manner that "I like Penn because of this reason, that reason, etc.etc. "

Have yourself in the center. Tell them how you perceive the features of Penn valuable or important... That is what they want to understand. What I meant was it is the presentation that you need to change. : )

Hope you got me! :)

i think you should focus more on yourself and describe how you will engage at upenn . the prompt specifically asks that .

I agree with the rest. Try focusing more on yourself, and not as much the courses.

"One class I look forward to taking, "Intro to Human Language Technology", not only teaches you the Wordnet Processor for Voice Recognition but also its applications in modern-day technology"

^ the adcom already knows what the class is about - what they are interested is what YOU are going to get out of it. What are your goals and aspirations for the future? How will these classes help you get there. Don't convince them you need uPenn to succeed, convince them that uPenn needs YOU to succeed. Remember, passion > wisdom, esp with ivy leagues.

"can be used to help the Penn community"
^ That's really vague. How are you going to help uPenn? They don't want to hear theories of "helping people" - they hear that ALL THE TIME, they want to hear concrete plans. "i want to do this, this, this, etc." (don't list like I did, explain it a little..)

Otherwise, you have a pretty decent essay! Good luck~

If you get the chance, could you read and comment on my engineering essay? I would really appreciate it.

thank you! i will definitely get around to reading yours! specifically, are there any particularly weak parts that I could cut out to help with the word count? I didn't really like the sentence you mentioned about the course but I feel it is good to mention a course that stood out to me, though it sounds pretty generic the way I wrote it