My people; BARNARD/ Community & my perspective

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D. Community - educational, geographic, religious, political, ethnic, or other - can define an individual's experience and influence her journey. How has your community, as you identify it, shaped your perspective?

I live in a building. A building, that is tattered with graffiti and peeling painting. A building, that doesn't look so pretty from the outside. But that doesn't matter. At least to me. It is, the inside that counts, right? The people that I have known for most of my life live here. These are the people that I can go to at the middle of the night and ask for a cup of sugar without being embarrassed. The people who are occasionally too noisy. The people who have sometimes made my life a living hell and other times a picnic. The people that that have shaped me as the human being I am today all live in this building. A place that I have grown up to call 'home'. A place that I identify as a little community of its own-a community that has shown me to be caring towards others, to have patience, and most of all to accept and respect other people for who they are inside. This community of mine has shaped me for the better.

I live in a building. A building,(remove the comma) that is tattered with graffiti and peeling painting. A building, (remove comma) that doesn't look so pretty from the outside. But that doesn't matter. At least to me. It is, (delete comma) the inside that counts, right? The people that I have known for most of my life live here. These are the people that I can go to at the middle of the night and ask for a cup of sugar without being embarrassed. The people who are occasionally too noisy. The people who have sometimes made my life a living hell and other times a picnic. (This sentence needs to demonstrate parallelism; change "sometimes" to "at times") The people that that have shaped me as the human being I am today all live in this building. A place that I have grown up to call 'home'. A place that I identify as a little community of its own-a community that has shown me to be caring towards others (state this more concisely - say something like "care for others" instead) , to have patience, and most of all to accept and respect other people for who they are inside. This community of mine has shaped me for the better.

I like your essay overall, but I don't feel as though it's answered the prompt all the way. The prompt asks for how your community has changed your perspective. You definitely show what your perspective is, but you don't say how it's been affected by where you live. Maybe stress the disparity between the looks and the people inside more?

I hope this helps. Good luck!