The Perfectly Imperfect Woman - Your most important influence(s)

arosse52 1 / 1

Sep 10, 2014 #1

Instructions: Write the introduction and one body paragraph for a practice cause and effect essay. Format the document according the MLA standards.

The Perfectly Imperfect Woman

Influence is having the ability to change/ affect someone or something in ways in which they may not be capable of achieving themselves. "Example is not the main thing in influencing other. It's the ONLY thing."-Albert Schweitzer. To influence others, you have to be able to be a leader and set the example. Setting the example is having integrity, being honest, and being positive. My influence is none other but my grandmother, Big Mama. My Big Mama is my influence because she taught me how to set goals to become a strong woman, be independent, and she taught me the true meaning of family values.

There are numerous of things I could say about my grandmother, but I am going to express only a few things about her. My grandmother isn't perfect, so what is she? She's perfectly imperfect. As a minority, Big Mama has taught me to rise above and be strong. There's nothing better than a strong woman. She once told me, when I was beginning high school, that "Being a strong woman isn't easy. You must do things you may not want to do and give up things that matters most." In middle school, I was a hot- headed teenager and didn't care what anyone thought of me and my actions. I was always fighting, getting suspended, arguing with teachers, etc. However, in high school I made a complete turn around because of my grandmother. I learned how to be a young lady, have high self-esteem, and be professional at all times. Turning my life around, brought me a long way. I enrolled in JROTC, became Battallion Commander, graduated with high honors, and joined the Louisiana Army National Guard. My grandmother is the cause of it all and I am very thankful for her.

vangiespen - / 4077

Sep 10, 2014 #2

For starters, I would like you to check the following to make sure that your paper follows the proper MLA formatting for essays:
1. 1 inch margins on the top, bottom, left, and right side of the paper.
2. The paper must be double spaced
3. Font size 10 (minimum) - 12 (maximum), Arial or Times New Roman fonts
4. The paper must follow the correct MLA referencing guide whenever quotes are used. You can do a quick search via Google for sample MLA formats to make sure you have the correct format for personal interview quotes. I personally prefer the Purdue OWL website for this purpose.

Now for my comments/ revision suggestions about the essay itself:

The essay is quite short for an MLA formatted essay. An academically formatted short MLA essay is composed of at least 3 paragraphs. You only have 2 paragraphs. The maximum number of paragraphs you can fit on a single paper is 5 depending upon the number of sentences per paragraph.

"Example is not the main thing in influencing other. It's the ONLY thing."-Albert Schweitzer.

- This is not an MLA formatted quotation. As an in-text citation, it should contain a parenthetical citation indicating the source of this quote.
- The punctuation marks should appear after the quotation marks.
- Indicate the author and page number where the quote can be found in the parenthetical citation.

There are numerous of things I could say about my grandmother, but I am going to express only a few things about her. My grandmother isn't perfect, so what is she? She's perfectly imperfect.

- What makes you say that she is perfectly imperfect? Give examples to give the reader an idea of what you mean.

As a minority, Big Mama has taught me to rise above and be strong.

- What is imperfect about her in this statement?

There's nothing better than a strong woman.

- Again, a sample of her strength, be it physical or emotional would help this portion along. You are trying to explain why she is perfectly imperfect at this point. So an example of her being strong for the wrong reasons would be good.

She ~~once told me,~~ when I was beginning high school, that "Being a strong woman isn't easy. You must do things you may not want to do and give up things that matters most."

- This is a good supporting sentence. Build upon it. Examples can be used here.
- You don't need to format this quote because it is from a previous memory.

In middle school, I was a hot- headed teenager and didn't care what anyone thought of me and my actions. I was always fighting, getting suspended, arguing with teachers, etc. However, in high school I made a complete turn around because of my grandmother.

- Why did this happen and how did she accomplish this? Why did you decide to turn around because of her?

I learned how to be a young lady, have high self-esteem, and be professional at all times. Turning my life around, brought me a long way. I enrolled in JROTC, became Battallion Commander, graduated with high honors, and joined the Louisiana Army National Guard. My grandmother is the cause of it all and I am very thankful for her.

- Did her imperfections influence you do accomplish these things? Why did her own imperfections inspire your?

Finally, I believe you close your essay with a paragraph explaining and reiterating your belief in and support of your grandmother as a perfectly imperfect woman.

You still have plenty of room to discuss the theme of your essay. Supporting examples from your personal experience with your grandmother will provide solidity to your comments as well. I suggest you revise the essay to reflect these things.

OP arosse52 1 / 1

Sep 11, 2014 #3

Thank you so much. You're advice helped majorily. The reason why it's just 2 paragraphs is because she told us that for the practice just write the introduction and first paragraph.