My name is Albert Jang and I am new to this website.
I wrote my personal statement for UW economics major admission.
Grammar is my serious concern.. if you could find any error, please tell me anything about it.
Any comment or correction would be helpful..
thank you!
Here is the prompt/instruction
One-page personal statement, typed and double-spaced, responding to the following questions: What are your personal/educational goals, and how do you expect those goals to be met through an economics major? What background do you bring to the program? Describe any special circumstance that would contribute to your studies in the field.
And here is my first draft of essay..
As I got in the University of Washington in 2007, I was worried about my future and career plan as an English-second language immigrant, but my father always influenced me to be a scientist because my father thought that such a technical job is only way to fulfill American Dream. I studied hardly and eagerly first, but I realized that I had neither talents nor interests in science. Also, I did not know what to do for future, but I clearly saw that a scientist is not something that I want to do for whole my life. I was in agony for my life, but my father pushed me to get science degrees in college. As the circumstances overlapped, I couldn't handle the studies. When I think of it now, I was a cowardly and immature student.
Meanwhile, my father was a private stock investor; he often delivered fervent speeches on economic issues such as sub-prime mortgage and crisis of US banks' closures. As I heard about these issues ceaselessly from him, I first interested in economics and decided to take the ECON200. Soon, I was really fascinated with economics. Learning about logic of how resources and people works are much more pleasureful than learning about theories of matter to me. In the ECON201 class, I studied basic macroeconomic models, which had strong influences on my dream to be a macroeconomist. If I could have a chance to learn a variety of economic theories and applicable tools in Economics major, I think that could build useful macroeconomic models by combining with statistics and commuter systems. This dream finally motivated me to be a bona fide economics major.
However, I got rejected from my first application. I was frustrated but I couldn't give up my dream because studying economics was only one pleasure during my college years. I thought that I had too low GPA than other students who is admitted and tried to boost it up. However I had to overcome few barriers. First, I already took 110 credits, so it is very tough to raise GPA up compared to many freshman and sophomore. Second, I might take upper-level math classes for statistics major, which are even unnecessary for economics students. Lastly, GPA on ECON200 was not that great, I wanted to demonstrate my talent on a harder microeconomics class. Despite of these hardships, I was successfully able to rise up my cumulative GPA with burdens of credits, and ECON300 class not only provided a demonstration of my ability but also a great opportunity to expand my perspectives and ideas on microeconomics. From the upper-level math classes, I wasn't able to achieve good grades, but these challenges definitely helped me to build a good cornerstone on studying statistics and even more complex studies on Economics at future. I don't know where will future lead me, but at this point of my life, I want to learn the different branches of Economics, to know how it affects our lives unnoticed and to achieve the goals I set for myself. University of Washington that offers one of the best undergraduate programs in Economics is my first choice to widen more on my perspectives and knowledge in Economics. It is where I wish to study.
I wrote my personal statement for UW economics major admission.
Grammar is my serious concern.. if you could find any error, please tell me anything about it.
Any comment or correction would be helpful..
thank you!
Here is the prompt/instruction
One-page personal statement, typed and double-spaced, responding to the following questions: What are your personal/educational goals, and how do you expect those goals to be met through an economics major? What background do you bring to the program? Describe any special circumstance that would contribute to your studies in the field.
And here is my first draft of essay..
As I got in the University of Washington in 2007, I was worried about my future and career plan as an English-second language immigrant, but my father always influenced me to be a scientist because my father thought that such a technical job is only way to fulfill American Dream. I studied hardly and eagerly first, but I realized that I had neither talents nor interests in science. Also, I did not know what to do for future, but I clearly saw that a scientist is not something that I want to do for whole my life. I was in agony for my life, but my father pushed me to get science degrees in college. As the circumstances overlapped, I couldn't handle the studies. When I think of it now, I was a cowardly and immature student.
Meanwhile, my father was a private stock investor; he often delivered fervent speeches on economic issues such as sub-prime mortgage and crisis of US banks' closures. As I heard about these issues ceaselessly from him, I first interested in economics and decided to take the ECON200. Soon, I was really fascinated with economics. Learning about logic of how resources and people works are much more pleasureful than learning about theories of matter to me. In the ECON201 class, I studied basic macroeconomic models, which had strong influences on my dream to be a macroeconomist. If I could have a chance to learn a variety of economic theories and applicable tools in Economics major, I think that could build useful macroeconomic models by combining with statistics and commuter systems. This dream finally motivated me to be a bona fide economics major.
However, I got rejected from my first application. I was frustrated but I couldn't give up my dream because studying economics was only one pleasure during my college years. I thought that I had too low GPA than other students who is admitted and tried to boost it up. However I had to overcome few barriers. First, I already took 110 credits, so it is very tough to raise GPA up compared to many freshman and sophomore. Second, I might take upper-level math classes for statistics major, which are even unnecessary for economics students. Lastly, GPA on ECON200 was not that great, I wanted to demonstrate my talent on a harder microeconomics class. Despite of these hardships, I was successfully able to rise up my cumulative GPA with burdens of credits, and ECON300 class not only provided a demonstration of my ability but also a great opportunity to expand my perspectives and ideas on microeconomics. From the upper-level math classes, I wasn't able to achieve good grades, but these challenges definitely helped me to build a good cornerstone on studying statistics and even more complex studies on Economics at future. I don't know where will future lead me, but at this point of my life, I want to learn the different branches of Economics, to know how it affects our lives unnoticed and to achieve the goals I set for myself. University of Washington that offers one of the best undergraduate programs in Economics is my first choice to widen more on my perspectives and knowledge in Economics. It is where I wish to study.
