Essay pertaining to a life expeirience that influenced character

Prompt: Tell a story from your life, describing an experience that either demonstrates your character or helped to shape it

can i cutback to less than 300 words, how so? is this a good essay?

I was driving home from a party on a Saturday night. It must have been around 10 o' clock, the road was slippery from a steady rain all afternoon, but my dad's heavy duty truck tires drove with ease. As I pushed in the brake pedal going down a steep hill, my headlights caught a scene that frightened me- two cars, A Subaru that had skidded onto the side of the road, and a crushed minivan with a family inside. Just a moment before I had been driving along at ease with my favorite rock station on the radio, now a very serious accident had presented itself in front of me, and I was the first responder. The initial fear of seeing the accident had already subsided; I knew I needed to act calmly and rationally. I put my hazards on, jumped out of my truck and ran to the minivan. The Subaru was closer but the driver had already left her vehicle; she was in distress but not hurt. I quickly helped the children and their mother out of their car and onto the side of the road to safety. The mother carried a small baby in her arms that managed to sleep through the entire ordeal. After the initial adrenaline rush, I was relieved to discover no one was hurt, only a costly insurance claim. I guided the cars to a nearby park where they would not block traffic and called the local police non emergency number. As I drove home, the events played through my head. At first I thought it was no big deal, after all, no one was hurt, everyone was alright. Then I thought, "would things have turned out alright if I wasn't there to help?". The drivers of the car where in obvious distress, but my calm and level headed attitude helped organize out the situation and ensured everyone was alright. The accident I faced that night reminds me that a calm, logical thinking pattern is essential to many tricky situations that I had and will encounter in my life.

Andreas, there seems to be an exaggeration on your part regarding the accident. You describe the minivan as having been crushed in the accident. So why are you later on in the essay claiming that you escorted the two cars to a nearby park? If the van was crushed, the passengers would have needed medical care at the scene. Why didn't you call emergency services to check them out immediately if the situation of the van was as dire as you described it to be? Why were all the passengers ok? There cannot be a crushed minivan with passengers doing well inside. Perhaps you mean the van was only dented?

If the minivan was indeed crushed, there was absolutely no way that the car could have been driven away from the accident scene. Did this event really happen to you or is it something that you made up for the prompt? I am asking you a question that the reviewer will be asking himself once he reads the inconsistencies in your narration.

You seem to have made a simple car accident to be far worse than it really was. I suggest you double check your information, make sure that you are being truthful in your statements and adjust the facts towards the truth where it needs to be. I am telling you, when the reviewer doubts what you have written and has a suspicion that you fabricated information for your response, your application will suffer for it. So make sure this is a true event that happened to you. Otherwise, be more truthful and change the story you are telling.