'the photograph club' - My S.O.P.

Hello, everyone!
I prepare the application of graduate school nearly and the following is my S.O.P..
Please help me to modify them.
Thank you!

When I was in college, I joined the photograph club. I use the traditional camera because I like films which present other special beauty. I also love to produce the short film and storyboard. I am an aggressive student who wants to try new ways for design and life.

I have done art work about my graduation's production which is a 4mins 2D-animation. This is an adventure story which describes the issue of environment and polar bear. It happens in the winter forests and then the leading role, Mosa, who have to face and overcome these problems which are the global warming. We make other characters in personified subjects for these troubles. The performance technique is collage. I also had internship in sophomore's summer vacation. My experience at the internship was wonderful. I learned graphic and practiced the software. I have liked moving images since then. I like change stopping images to vigorous pictures.

I want to specialize in Motion Graphic and video design and challenge the experimental video for my thesis project in my graduate school. I hope I can enhance the skill of application and explore the new area in the Digital Art, Graphic Design, Photography and Video in my graduate studies, and I can express my ideas clearly. I hope to commit myself to motion graphic and movie trailers. I want making the entertainment of difference sides for people.

When you talks about your work of graduation's production, you may talk more about what you learned instead of what the project is. For instance, you learned that art could be used to reflect issue in the society. It is confused when you mention that you want to make the entertainment of difference sides for people. You did not talk about anything making you have that idea, or how you want to do it specifically.

I just see it from a regular reader's perspective. I hope it helps.

ok! Thank you!
You give me different views!
I will add others points of views!