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"physicists have gone down the wrong road" - Stanford Essay: intellectual vitality



ishas 5 / 10  
Dec 20, 2010   #1
Please be honest with feedback. Any help is greatly appreciated. I hope I haven't confused anyone and made it uncomprehendable.

I've always felt that physicists have gone down the wrong road ever since we started dwelling into particle physics. The quest for "what are we really made of?" has been never ending.

I was first introduced to this concept a few months ago by my physics teacher who talked about 'fundamental' particles called quarks. I did not believe that quarks were our core elements because there were so many variations of them. My belief of a single deity also made me skeptical to believe that quarks were the basis of who we are. Regardless of my opinion on the topic, I was hooked.

Digging deeper, I found out about the Higgs Boson or the "God particle" as physicists call it. According to Peter Higgs' theory, this particle is present in all matter. I found a similarity between Higgs' theory and the belief of many religions in the world; claiming a divine presence is all around and within us. The correlation between this religious belief and the Higgs Boson got me thinking about the 'God' in everything.

I wanted to merge the two and prospect further. Going a step further, I believe that 'God' itself was the core element of matter. If we broke down all the matter in the world today; cars, trees and even humans, we would find a divine presence.

If scientists at CERN are able to prove that there is such a thing as the Higgs Boson, then science and religion would have common ground and the two paths would be amalgamated into one understanding.

helloworld1 3 / 11  
Dec 20, 2010   #2
Hey!

I think ur first paragraph does not have a clear link to the rest of the passage- it actually sounds like you do not want to study particle physics and find them uninteresting! A stronger start will do better justice to this essay (:

Could you look at mine? Thanks(:
smarty350 8 / 17  
Dec 20, 2010   #3
I agree with helloworld1, in that the first paragraph seems unrelated to the rest of the essay. It is an interesting concept, but the overall essay is a little hard to understand. It's a little bit difficult to see how the essay would follow the prompt. My main suggestion is to tweak the organization and make it explain your prompt more clearly.


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