Tell us about a personal quality, talent, accomplishment, contribution or experience that is important to you. What about this quality or accomplishment makes you proud, and how does it relate to the person you are? Again, thank you guys! :]
All the qualifiers gathered into closely knitted tables at the Visions of Unity banquet. We had all been notified through the mail and students from every high school in the district waited for the ceremony to begin. I had won 3rd place in the Art competition, my dad told me before we sat down at a table around the center of the room, so he would like to see the pictures from the other two winners. My dad quickly responded by pointing out some of the faults of my competitors, such as inaccurate drawings, incorrect coloring, and over-simplicity. While some of the faults may have been true, I smiled to myself knowing that he forgot the most important feature of each portrait: the theme, the message that we put into each and every piece of work on display. My picture could have been one worthy of Leonardo Da Vinci's full blessings, but without those fundamental concepts of unity and overcoming internal division, it would never have passed the first stage of judges.
I had first heard of the contest through my peers interested in art and design. While there was a minor cash reward, I chose to think of the event as a test of skill but most importantly, understanding. So when I began the process of making my painting, I first heavily thought of the inspiration behind it, making sure that each of the themes I picked could be displayed within my final product. I found myself browsing hundreds of websites and books to find the perfect scene of inspiration. But it wasn't till a week later while skimming through TIME when I knew I had struck gold. My hands locked up in excitement and I peered closer into magazine. It showed a brick wall with a painting of dozens of hands with thousands of tones and colors huddling around one another, with a similar group of innocent, giggling children holding hands in the foreground. A few more days and I found my scenery, a sharp contrast between the cold dead grasp of winter and the blossoming livery of spring. I eagerly reached for my canvas and brushes and ran off to work.
While I didn't end up as high a rank I hoped for, this picture was a momentous benchmark for me. It wasn't just a competition testing the talents of the artist, but also an actual test to see if he or she truly understood the requirements for unity and acceptance. Partaking in the contest not only developed my skill and experience as an artist, but also as a compassionate and understanding person. Painting my piece drew me to believe that racism and prejudice is possible to be dissolved once people can learn to accept one another. Even now, I am humbled to have been able to make my own way of spreading that vision of unity one step closer to success.
I don't like it as much as my UC Prompt 1 though. :/
Will my prompts not be as effective since both revolve around my experiences with art? Well, to be specific, art and computer science AND art?
All the qualifiers gathered into closely knitted tables at the Visions of Unity banquet.
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We had all been notified by mail and students from every high school in the district waited for the ceremony to begin.
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I had won 3rd place in the Art competition, my dad told me before we sat down at a table around the center of the room, so he would like to see the pictures from the other two winners.
Run on, does not make sense.
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My dad quickly responded by pointing out some of the faults of my competitors, such as inaccurate drawings, incorrect coloring, and over-simplicity.
What does your father respond to? He did the last action: my dad told me before we sat down at a table
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While some of the faults may have been true, I smiled to myself, knowing that he forgot the most important feature of each portrait: the theme, the message that we put into each and every piece of work on display.
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My picture could have been one worthy of Leonardo Da Vinci's full blessings, but without those fundamental concepts of unity and overcoming internal division, it would never have passed the first stage of judges.
Explain the fundamental concepts of unity and overcoming internal division .
These sentences are fragments, and make no sense together:
My picture could have been one worthy of Leonardo Da Vinci's full blessings,
it would never have passed the first stage of judges.
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While there was a minor cash reward, I chose to participate in the event to test my talentsand to improve my understanding of art.
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Before I began painting, I first heavily thought of the inspiration behind it, making sure that each of the themes I picked could be displayed within my final product.
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But it wasn't until a week later while skimming through TIME when I knew I had struck gold.
I really don't like your description (wording) of "skimming through time."
EDIT: Make sure your write Time's Magazine . If you just write TIME, it can cause confusion.
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The painting in the magazine showed a brick wall with dozens of hands with thousands of tones and colors huddling around one another, with a similar group of innocent, giggling children holding hands in the foreground.
Run-on sentence. Don't use WITH so many times in one sentence.
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After a few more days, I found my scenery: a sharp contrast between the cold dead grasp of winter and the blossoming livery of spring.
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It wasn't just a competition testing the talent of the artist , it also a an actual test to see if the artist truly understood the requirements for unity and acceptance.
If you plan on using "unity and acceptance", you need to elaborate more about that in your introduction, as I have no idea what you are trying to say.
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Even now, I am humbled to have been able to make my own way of spreading that vision of unity one step closer to success.
I have no clue what you are trying to say.
You are humbled to have been able to spread YOUR vision of unity, but what do you mean by spreading it one step closer to success?
Overall: Not a bad start.
Conclusion: Weak, vague.
Focus: Art
