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Competition sports,both team and individual have no place in student's curriculum?


reza56t 1 / 3 1  
Apr 23, 2013   #1
Nowadays, in order to expanding education, necessity to physical activities is the most prominent stuffs. Sport and competition might be in school curriculum for developing pupils' creativity and responsibility.

Although, sport gives pupils' energy and time,it helps them to grow their creativity and let them to examinate their burden.In a school competition, all competitor do their tasks and they will be known their feature responsibility in the society,even if, it may be had some costs for them such as casualties, stay away from courses and so on.

on the other hand,sport and competition grow up students' sprite and help them for learning,also,make them healthy and expert says :healthy mind in healthy body. Body activity will increase heartbeat,besides,team working has pulse effects on students by playing their role rightly.

Defiantly, paying attention only to study makes students only single side so up brings only theoretical students. Sports and other activities like scientific picnic will grow up them to pragmatic person, furthermore, sick and fat students could not be learnt as well as strong and slim students.

As a result,it is important to paying attention to sport as a useful activity in school since society needs slim and expert person to grow up

shaddy 17 / 47 7  
Apr 24, 2013   #2
in order to expanding expand education

Sport and competition might be in school curriculum for developing pupils' creativity and responsibility.

..For developing creativity and responsibility, sport and competition are very important.

Although , sport gives pupils' energy and time,it helps them to grow their creativity and let them to examinateexempt their burden

Defiantly Precisely, paying attention only to study makes students only single side so up brings only theoretical students

As a result,it is important to paying pay attention towards sport as a useful activity in school sinceas society needs slim and expert person to grow up
dumi 1 / 6,928 1592  
Apr 24, 2013   #3
Nowadays, in order to expanding education, necessity to physical activities is the most prominent stuffs.

... First this sentence sounds confusing to the reader. It really does not deliver your idea :( You can present this idea in a much more effective way. It sounds like too concise and trimmed. Why not use direct speech more in your essays? That helps you convey your ideas freely in a more comprehensible way.

Nowadays, schools place a higher priority for physical activities of their students in order to achieve a healthy balance between their academic and social growth.
OP reza56t 1 / 3 1  
Apr 30, 2013   #4
dumi
thank you for your attention.
dumi 1 / 6,928 1592  
May 3, 2013   #5
It's always good to include your prompt in your post so that others can give you more relevant comments.
What is the purpose of this writing? IELTS or TOEFL? .... If so, you need to pay attention to the essay structure more. You need to have these features;

Introduction - Introduce your topic and state your opinion
Body para 1 - First reason for your opinion + support this reason with a specific example
Body para 2 - Second reason + example
Conclusion - Sum up everything above


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