I don't really know what I am supposed to write... So it is a draft. Also, I am not a native speaker so sorry for the mistakes. Any input, even weird ones would be appreciated. Thanks :D
I plan on majoring in Psychology and/or Neuroscience
In my opinion, the human brain is arguably the most fascinated organs in our body. It leads every aspect in our life; biological and behavioral. If any part of that gray matter happens to be injured, our body system along with our demeanor would be liable to suffer. Currently, a student at Lone Star Community college in Texas, I wish to orientate myself towards not only the study of the brain and also its correlation with the personality.
I have always been attracted by the brain in general. However, my interest for the human psyche began in high school. In fact, it all started, when I came across Freud's "Introduction to Psychoanalysis" book. I read large excerpts from it. I remember being torn between finding him stupid or a genius. After this initiation, I searched for other theories that would contradict his ideas: Behaviorism, Epigenetic etc... I was drawn to the idea of studying Neuropsychology. Thus, thanks to my father's professional network, I was able to work during Summer 2014 at a Psychologist office as a receptionist. The physician aware of my passion for Neuropsychology, gave me some pointers, notions, and books to read for a better understanding of that career.
By my various experiences, and encounters I know that I would like to concretely commit myself, after my Bachelor, to become one of the best clinical Neuropsychologist. So once accepted into U.T, I plan on majoring in Psychology and/or Neuroscience. After receiving my bachelor degree, hopefully, cum laude, I count on continuing my education and get a doctorate in Clinical Neuropsychologist. I am confident that the UT onerous academic system will be a great springboard for my future career. The education that I will receive there will allow me to attack life challenges since I want to be one of the best, if not the best, in this profession. My ultimate goal is to expand my father's hospitals by adding this new department and make of his name, the greatest in the medical world in West Africa. Attending UT will be such a great honor and an important milestone to reach this goal. Also, very motivated, I am determined to train quickly in this field so that I could start working at a young age, save as much as possible and grow my network to finally fully focus on helping others through humanitarian organizations.
Holt Educational Consultant - / 15460 Tana, I am wondering if you have been given any particular prompt to respond to for the statement of purpose as most universities opt to do these days. If so, you will need to follow their instructions and provide only the information requested for the essay. Share the questions here so I can give you further guidance as to how to respond to the set of inquiries from the university. If you have not received any prompt guides though, and do not expect to do so, then you have to revise this essay in order to provide the general information expected in a statement of purpose.
Another question I need an answer to from you is, are you applying to a college or a masters degree course? The statement of purpose for each one requires different responses. Once you clarify which type of statement of purpose you have to write, I will be able to assist you in the formal development of your statement. The one that you have written at the moment should be set aside as your personal statement (if required to submit one) instead.
Hey Mary, thanks for answering
This is our prompt: The statement of purpose will provide an opportunity to explain any extenuating circumstances that you feel could add value to your application. You may also want to explain unique aspects of your academic background or valued experiences you may have had that relate to your academic discipline. The statement of purpose is not meant to be a listing of accomplishments in high school or a record of your participation in school-related activities. Rather, this is your opportunity to address the admissions committee directly and to let us know more about you as an individual, in a manner that your transcripts and other application information cannot convey.
And secondly, it is for a college application, for a bachelor.
Holt Educational Consultant - / 15460 Tana, thanks for the prompt. I think that there is room for improvement in your statement. The first thing you have to ask yourself is this, "How does my current course relate to the future course I want to take?" When you figure out the relation, explain it in your essay. So you will need to mention your current university, your current major, and the relationship between your current and future major. Now if there is no relation, then explain why you decided to switch majors, bit I digress. Let's go back to the relation question.
At this point, you have to make a decision about what you actual major is going to be. You can't use the slash method of choosing a major because that is the sort of indecision that college reviewers frown upon. Pick a major and stick to it for now. You have the option to change majors in the future. For now, the important thing is that you get into the college of your choice.
Once you have chosen your major, think about why you have chosen that course. You sent a good precedent in the essay that you wrote when you mentioned the influence of Freud upon your way of thinking and your realization that one of these courses would be the perfect career path for you. What exactly made you think that? The response you get for that is close enough to the purpose for your study. If you can, try to think of a particular field that attracts you and explain why. Maybe you have a relative that suffered from the illness or something. Whatever the reason, make sure that it sounds like the basis for your purpose.
Finally, your purpose should relate to wanting to help others by becoming an expert in this field. Discuss how you look forward to helping others get better and how you plan do to that. Kind of like, "I want to study psychology so that I can help to bring crime rate down in terms of mental illness related crimes." or "My grandfather is in the early stages of Dementia. I want to study Neuroscience so that I can understand his illness and how I might be able to help him, along with others who suffer from the same illness in the future." Those are some of examples of purpose statements that you can make in your essay that will help you build a page long statement of purpose.
I added some stuff that you suggested. I hope that it is better now
In my opinion, the human brain is arguably the most fascinated organs in our body. It leads every aspect in our life; biological and behavioral. If any part of that gray matter happens to be injured, our body system along with our demeanor would be liable to suffer. Currently, a student at Lone Star Community college in Texas, I wish to orientate myself towards the study of the brain and its correlation with the personality. I think that the death of my father is the source of my intention to be a Neuropsychologist. Learning my uncle killed him was a shock. I couldn't believe that someone, without being sick, could do something like that to his own brother. Growing up, I wanted to be a neurologist, however, when in High school I came across Freud's "Introduction to Psychoanalysis" book, my interest in the human psyche expanded from its foundation. I read large excerpts from it. I remember being torn between finding him insane or a genius. After this initiation, I searched for other theories that would contradict his ideas: Behaviorism, Epigenetic etc... I craved not only to learn more about people's behavior but also understand its relationship with their brain. I was drawn to the idea of studying Neuropsychology. Maybe If they were a correlation between my uncle's actions and a mental illness that he might have, I would find the courage to forgive him. Thus, thanks to my late father's professional network, I was able to work during Summer 2014 at a Psychologist office as a receptionist. The physician aware of my passion for Neuropsychology, gave me some pointers, notions, and books to read for a better understanding of that career.
By my various experiences, and encounters I know that I would like to concretely commit myself, after my Bachelor, to become one of the best clinical Neuropsychologist. Participate in a movement that will prevent or cure mental disorders would be a blessing. So once accepted into U.T, I plan on majoring in Neuroscience with a minor in Psychology. After receiving my bachelor degree, hopefully, cum laude, I count on continuing my education and get a doctorate in Clinical Neuropsychologist. I am confident that the UT onerous academic system will be a great springboard for my future career. The education that I will receive there will allow me to attack life challenges since I want to be one of the best, if not the best, in this profession. My ultimate goal is to expand my father's hospitals by adding this new department and make of his name, the greatest in the medical world in West Africa. Attending UT will be such a great honor and an important milestone to reach this goal. Also, very motivated, I am determined to train quickly in this field so that I could start working at a young age, save as much as possible and grow my network to finally fully focus on helping others through humanitarian organizations.
Holt Educational Consultant - / 15460 Tana, I see where you are coming from now. The essay that you wrote includes the important elements I suggested but it is not really explained in a clear manner. So let's see if I can help you fix the presentation instead. The statement of purpose follows a specific format and needs to give the reviewer specific information so we need to go paragraph by paragraph for the content of your essay.
Paragraph 1: Introduce yourself to the reviewer. Give him your name, your country of origin, tell him a little bit about your family, your father in particular and the kind of influence that he had on you. After that, explain how your life changed after he was murdered by his brother. These events will be the motivation for your interest in Neuropsychology.
Paragraph 2: Pose the question about "What led my uncle to kill my father?". Explain how this trauma led you to follow the teachings of Freud and other authors of psychoanalysis books. Talk about the events that led you to work at the pyschologist's office. What did you learn there? Discuss it. What conclusion about your college degree did this exposure and other influencing activities lead you to about your chosen major?
Paragraph 3; What do you want to accomplish during your time in college? What question do you want to find an answer to in relation to your father's case? How do you plan to use this knowledge in the future to help others?
Paragraph 4: Shift the discussion to why you opted to enroll at University of Texas. Why do you believe that this university is your best bet for completing this course?
These are the elements of your SOP that we can use to draft your new essay. Try to respond as best as you can to these questions and we will work on building up and weaknesses your essay may have from that point on. These questions will help you to better express yourself and create a clearer purpose for your desire to study in this field.
