I played piano for the school choir and my church;extracurricular activity

Throughout my High School years, I played piano for the school choir and my church. I was the leader of the instrumentalists in the school choir and in the church choir as well. My passion and commitment as a pianist gave me unforgettable memories and experiences; playing piano in national musical concerts, high school gospel concerts, and international ministry programs.

But more importantly, I learned not only how to study and practice the instrumentation of songs and teach my co-instrumentalists, but also how to be submissive and teachable. Although I could perfectly get the chords of a song and teach exactly what was played in the song, accepting ideas from other instrumentalists made our instrumentation unique. Being a pianist, I also learned to be in harmony with others; i learned to be in sync with my co-instrumentalists and the choristers for a song to be ministered excellently. Working together as a team brought great success in our performances.

Through this extracurricular activity, I have imbibed the discipline of respecting people and their ideas and the essence of team work and unity.

I need help with this essay.
Kindly correct any mistakes and add your suggestions.
thank you in advance

In the third sentence replace the semicolon with a colon. I have a few more recommendations, but first I would advise you to consult with someone who is good with grammar rather than me. I noticed a lot of grammatical errors that can be fixed. But other than that you conveyed your message well.

Thank you very much Patrick. I will do that.

This is all very good...but I wish you added a few experiences or events there to make your response more interesting. There are many statements, but less evidence.When you talk though real life situations, that's more convincing and interesting. Just give some thought about this... what you've written is all good anyway :)