"Playing guitar is my favorite activity" - extra curricular question

This is my answer to the extra curricular question of common application. Please suggest improvements and point out any errors.

24 frets, 7 notes, 6 strings and the endless possibilities of passion, feelings and emotions with it. I have been playing guitar for over four years now and it is my favorite activity. My guitar has remained my faithful friend during happy, sad and difficult times. Looking back, I have learned not only to play music but also to appreciate it from a performer's perspective. Trying various forms of music on my guitar has made me mature enough to try and appreciate various new things in life. Just like how I can change a song's meaning by playing in different scale and chords, it has taught that different approach to a situation results a different outcome. I am also engaged in a band since high school and this experience has taught me a lot about situations in life. It taught me how to deal with people and situations and most importantly, it has helped overcome my stage fright.

I don't know how good it is. Please help me!!! Thanks a lot in advance.

I think you should further explore yourself, because not too visible in this essay.

Most importantly, as a guitarist in a band , I have learned to overcome stage fright

We already know that you are a guitarist in a band. This is just wasting space.

Hey thanks for your view on my essay. I have tried to edit and approached it a bit differently. Tell me how you feel about it.

Please read it and reply what do you think. Point out any mistakes that I might have overlooked.

rajeeb423
hey it looks pretty good just a couple of suggestions...

Just like how I can change a song's meaning by playing in different scale and chords, guitar has taught me that taking a different approach to a situation results in a different outcome. I have also been engaged in a band since high school and this experience has taught me a lot about situations in life. It taught me how to deal with people and situationsdon't use the same word so close together and most importantly, it has helped overcome my stage fright.

thanks for your help. It looks much more coherent now. Yeah i too felt that there were too many and at the same place. I replaced and after situations with a semi-colon. :)