'Playing Running Back' - Common App Short Answer "Football"

hi, im a high school senior in Japan. this essay is 184 words/ 983 characters. any advice helps!

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Why should I play Running Back and be captain of the weakest football team in Japan, or possibly in the world? Is it because I have a passion for yelling at people who come five minutes late to practice, or because I love to spend hours thinking of practice menus or creating whole new drills? I would gladly take on my duties as captain, but no. It is because I absolutely love the one moment of football.

I lock my head strong, firmly hold the ball and dive into the crowd of giants. Once I manage to slip out of the chaos, I skim through the defenders, instinctively changing directions. Then I'm on the free run; I catch velocity, pump my arms, and find myself in the end zone.

I live for this moment, which barely lasts a second, and which barely occurs. The rush of adrenaline I feel when facing opponents, the pure pleasure of outsmarting the defenders and running past them, and the trust that my teammates are going to protect me all encourage me to put on my helmet and play.

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Hi! I love your passion for the sport. Can you write about one specific experience you had as Captain? Since it is a short answer essay on an extra-curricular activity you have to be very specific in order to paint a detailed picture for the admissions officers. Don't try to be so creative or fancy, just tell us about how you grew or stepped up to the responsibility.

Thanks for your comment! I changed a few things around, and I don't know if I I did it right, so can you review them again? Thanks again!!

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Our football team can't win, but given the situation where there are no coaches, it would be quite difficult to. Nevertheless, we do strive to win by coaching ourselves. As captain, I think of practice menus, introduce new drills, schedule practice games with other schools, and hold meetings where the team reviews videotaped practices and scrimmages. Also, and most importantly, we always keep in mind to simply have fun. I love that moment in football when I firmly grip the ball and dive into the crowd of giants. Once I manage to slip out of the chaos, I slash through the defenders, instinctively changing directions. Then I run free. I gain speed, running with all I have and find myself in the end zone. I live for this moment, though it lasts but a moment and rarely happens. The rush of adrenaline I feel when facing opponents, the pure pleasure of outsmarting the defenders and running past them, and the trust that my teammates are going to protect me all encourage me to put on my helmet and play.

Our football team can't win, but given the situation that there are no coaches, it would be quite difficult to do so.

Great piece! Maybe you could add some adjectives to this sentence to make it more vivid to the reader!
"As captain, I develop practice menus, introduce new drills, schedule practice games with other schools, and hold meetings where the team reviews videotaped practices and scrimmages."