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QUESTION: WHAT HAS INFLUENCED YOU IN YOUR LIFE THE MOST?
Pleasant Tragedy
Arriving home from basketball practice exhausted and desiring the contempt for sleep, resting was not an option. I knew my day had not yet finished. I took a look around our rented Hollywood apartment, the kitchen piled with an infinite amount of dishes, dust gathered onto the top of our island like snow in December, a fecal smell from my brother's restroom diffusing into the living room, it all seemed like the perfect job for a mother to take care of. There was just one problem: We didn't have a mother. Growing up with my 2 older brothers and father, I remember the dragging summer evenings when I stood on a 24 inch stool with an apron reading "Kiss the Cook" draping down to my quacking knees as I managed to peel some vegetables for our daily juicing. I always took care of my family, trying my best and enjoying every moment of it. The typical teenager would sliver over household duties but I never complained. I wouldn't have anyone else take my position. Although I did wonder sometimes how my life would have changed if our mother were beside us.
My father performed the best that he could in playing the mother figure for us, not that he didn't do a good job, but looking at other families it just seemed so easy for them to be a family because of the mother they have in their lives. Following in my brother's footsteps I joined a basketball league at a very young age and entered a unique "tomboy" stage in my life. I liked the high Nike socks and constant swaying of my oversized Adidas gym bag across my hips. I liked the idea of being solitary amongst my gender, as all the other girls had their tutus and ballet flats. But as all the girls talked about their routines and recital practices, I sat there wondering if my mother would have been with me, would I be part of that group? Would the tan on my legs from my Nike socks be replaced with the soft touch of a pink ribbon as the flats lay under the soles of my feet?
Nothing in life can really prepare us for the inevitable and singular event of death. I learned to accept the fact that I do not have a mother anymore. For some people, losing a loved one may cause heartache, sorrow, lack of understanding, but for me, I consider it a positive death.
If I constantly whined and made excuses about the situation then oh boy, would I be in an emotional debacle right now. Day by day, I gradually thank my father for trying so hard to plenary integrate as many lessons as he can and for not choosing the easy way out. We idolize our parents abundantly, but we should not depend on them. With no direction or much self-respect, teenagers are wasting their time and not maturing quickly enough. Some are stuck in the twilight zone and others in the lovely games of Blizzard Entertainment. Taken my background, I try to teach and persuade many kids my age, even younger, to take up on all opportunities they can, whether in school or outside of their daily routines. Kids must learn to be independent as I learned to be. Whatever life hands you, you must make the best of it. Yes it can be unfair, but you must learn to deal with it. On my behalf, I played the role of our mother in my family. Knowing they were taken care of was the only sympathy I felt as I scrubbed the leftover hummus from the white IKEA dinner plates. My mother's passing was something that I looked at as reinforcement and a very important time in my life, even though I was very young. Of course my world would have been different if she was here, acknowledging the influence she would have had on me, but as I matured, my eyes took a different view on things.
Just recently we were invited to the wedding of one of my father's business partners and not really taking fashion advice from anyone, I took my brother's debit card and disappeared for a few hours returning with what I thought what be a presentable outfit. When we arrived to St. Johns, adjoining restaurant in Van Nuys, California that Saturday morning, I was greeted by several desultory adults that I have never met before. Wandering off to the inside of the restaurant I scrutinized all the faces amongst the friendly families and friends that attended. As I looked to my left, I noticed an elderly unaccompanied woman sitting at Table 1 and discreetly approached her. I formally introduced myself as my father had taught me, and we immediately began a conversation. She talked about how her daughter, Lilit had finally grown up, yes she was the mother of the bride, and she told me that I reminded her of Lilit at a younger age. As she rose from her chair she said
"You speak with such respect and quite remind me of myself when I was younger. "
I smiled with contempt, feeling the satisfaction of such a compliment across the cheeks of my face. She placed her agitating pale arm on my shoulder and said
"Your mother must be very proud of you." My eyes lifted with astoundment as I thought to myself, yes. She would have been very proud.
QUESTION: WHAT HAS INFLUENCED YOU IN YOUR LIFE THE MOST?
Pleasant Tragedy
Arriving home from basketball practice exhausted and desiring the contempt for sleep, resting was not an option. I knew my day had not yet finished. I took a look around our rented Hollywood apartment, the kitchen piled with an infinite amount of dishes, dust gathered onto the top of our island like snow in December, a fecal smell from my brother's restroom diffusing into the living room, it all seemed like the perfect job for a mother to take care of. There was just one problem: We didn't have a mother. Growing up with my 2 older brothers and father, I remember the dragging summer evenings when I stood on a 24 inch stool with an apron reading "Kiss the Cook" draping down to my quacking knees as I managed to peel some vegetables for our daily juicing. I always took care of my family, trying my best and enjoying every moment of it. The typical teenager would sliver over household duties but I never complained. I wouldn't have anyone else take my position. Although I did wonder sometimes how my life would have changed if our mother were beside us.
My father performed the best that he could in playing the mother figure for us, not that he didn't do a good job, but looking at other families it just seemed so easy for them to be a family because of the mother they have in their lives. Following in my brother's footsteps I joined a basketball league at a very young age and entered a unique "tomboy" stage in my life. I liked the high Nike socks and constant swaying of my oversized Adidas gym bag across my hips. I liked the idea of being solitary amongst my gender, as all the other girls had their tutus and ballet flats. But as all the girls talked about their routines and recital practices, I sat there wondering if my mother would have been with me, would I be part of that group? Would the tan on my legs from my Nike socks be replaced with the soft touch of a pink ribbon as the flats lay under the soles of my feet?
Nothing in life can really prepare us for the inevitable and singular event of death. I learned to accept the fact that I do not have a mother anymore. For some people, losing a loved one may cause heartache, sorrow, lack of understanding, but for me, I consider it a positive death.
If I constantly whined and made excuses about the situation then oh boy, would I be in an emotional debacle right now. Day by day, I gradually thank my father for trying so hard to plenary integrate as many lessons as he can and for not choosing the easy way out. We idolize our parents abundantly, but we should not depend on them. With no direction or much self-respect, teenagers are wasting their time and not maturing quickly enough. Some are stuck in the twilight zone and others in the lovely games of Blizzard Entertainment. Taken my background, I try to teach and persuade many kids my age, even younger, to take up on all opportunities they can, whether in school or outside of their daily routines. Kids must learn to be independent as I learned to be. Whatever life hands you, you must make the best of it. Yes it can be unfair, but you must learn to deal with it. On my behalf, I played the role of our mother in my family. Knowing they were taken care of was the only sympathy I felt as I scrubbed the leftover hummus from the white IKEA dinner plates. My mother's passing was something that I looked at as reinforcement and a very important time in my life, even though I was very young. Of course my world would have been different if she was here, acknowledging the influence she would have had on me, but as I matured, my eyes took a different view on things.
Just recently we were invited to the wedding of one of my father's business partners and not really taking fashion advice from anyone, I took my brother's debit card and disappeared for a few hours returning with what I thought what be a presentable outfit. When we arrived to St. Johns, adjoining restaurant in Van Nuys, California that Saturday morning, I was greeted by several desultory adults that I have never met before. Wandering off to the inside of the restaurant I scrutinized all the faces amongst the friendly families and friends that attended. As I looked to my left, I noticed an elderly unaccompanied woman sitting at Table 1 and discreetly approached her. I formally introduced myself as my father had taught me, and we immediately began a conversation. She talked about how her daughter, Lilit had finally grown up, yes she was the mother of the bride, and she told me that I reminded her of Lilit at a younger age. As she rose from her chair she said
"You speak with such respect and quite remind me of myself when I was younger. "
I smiled with contempt, feeling the satisfaction of such a compliment across the cheeks of my face. She placed her agitating pale arm on my shoulder and said
"Your mother must be very proud of you." My eyes lifted with astoundment as I thought to myself, yes. She would have been very proud.
