NYU SUPPLEMENTAL ESSAY (WHY NYU?) Is it too straightforward??
Many opportunities to work towards career goal
Growing up in one of the most diverse cities in the world is something I am thankful for every single day. New York City has a reputation for a lot of great things; the huge skyscrapers, the magnificent skyline, and of course the delicious food. Certainly, one of the most important and influential institutes in this city is New York University. I strongly feel that NYU will be able to provide me with numerous educational opportunities outside of the city, and the vibrant atmosphere that the university creates will empower me to become a better student and a more versatile person.
The College of Arts and Sciences interested me from the very moment an NYU representative visited my high school and informed me about it. As I researched more about the college, I learned that one of the biggest highlights of the biology major offered at NYU is the research opportunities available. I am really interested in Evolutionary/Environmental Biology, and I became very delighted to read about the research options available to students via the Environmental Studies Program at NYU. I will be able to gain so much experience while doing research about the origins and evolution of certain genomes throughout this planet's history, which sounds absolutely boring, but is very interesting to learn about.
Although I aspire to become a physician someday, I am heavily interested in English literature. I want to major in English in college and hopefully I will be able to increase my knowledge about English literature and also learn how to become a better writer. The Liberal Studies Core program at NYU offers students the chance to travel abroad to study during their freshman year of college, and I think this opportunity is the perfect means to learn about different cultures and their literature and language. As an English major at NYU, I can take advantage of NYU's study away sites and travel to London, where I will be able to take courses that will teach me about British creative writing, politics, and history.
New York University can not only provide me with unparalleled social and academic resources located in New York City, but also allow me to travel to different countries to explore and experience diverse cultures. NYU offers its students a plethora of opportunities to work towards their career goal, and I would consider myself extremely lucky to study here.ok.
It is a bit too straight forward, but that could be your voice as an individual. Instead of "outside the city", change to "global network" since that's what NYU prides itself on.
it's also a little elementary in language, but again, could be your individual writing style. you repeat diverse a lot. personally, i'm a fan of "___ synonyms" on google b/c it changes it up a bit.
also, scratch "sounds absolutely boring" and instead write WHY you find it so interesting. NYU values individualism- prove that this "boring" topic (which many will disagree on since the environment is, like, super important) is SUPER freaking interesting and show how you'd utilize the resources NYU would provide. You go in depth about the global network in english, but not as much in environmental sci.
Good luck!!!!
Thank you so much for the feedback! I'll try to make the changes you reccomended.
Holt Educational Consultant - / 14,835 
4783 Kamaljot, do your best to avoid the most common answers regarding why you would choose to study at NYU. That includes the excitement that the city the university is located in offers. Go beyond that. Based on what you have written, most of the information that you have is based upon research. Yet the information does not clearly relate to you. That clear connection does not come until the 3rd paragraph. Which is where you state your chosen major and how NYU can help you become better educated in that area. So why not build your essay upon that premise instead? That is a very strong and individualized line of reasoning that clearly shows why you would end up studying at NYU if given the chance. I would not mention that you want to become a physician someday though. That is a discussion deviation. Just focus on the English Lit and English major discussion since the validity of your response rests within that eye opening paragraph. Even the last paragraph is relevant and well developed for the idea of the prompt. So I would work on developing those 2 paragraphs instead when you revise your response.
