This is my essay for GWU. Feel free to give me any advice. Thanks a lot!
Though I had been to D.C. before, my first impression of the city's "scene" came from a conversation with my sister Rebecca on Gmail Chat. She had recently moved to DC to work as a paralegal for an immigration law firm. When I asked her how she liked it, she replied "people in dc are weird; everyones wayyy too into politics. it gets annoying." Her answer surprised me; I was ignorant to the fact that political awareness in DC trickled down to students, paralegals, accountants, engineers, etc. Being "wayyy too into politics" myself, her unenthusiastic description made the city more appealing to me.
After visiting my sister, I decided that I love Washington, D.C. I ate the best falafel I'd ever eaten in my life in a small restaurant whose walls were covered with political bumper stickers; I heard people speaking Spanish, French, Arabic, and other languages as I rode in my sister's car with the windows down during the city's brutal rush hour; I vividly remember the boisterous crowds of people on 18th Street chatting and laughing. The entire city radiates with diversity, culture, opinions, and an indescribable energy.
I would like to attend GW because it embodies everything that I love about D.C. The school is dedicated to helping their students grow into politically and internationally savvy people. Not only is it located near global political powerhouses like the World Bank, foreign embassies, and the capitol, but the school's mission is internationally focused and encourages students become active members of society. The implementation of the school's mission is seen through the accomplishments of the school's alumni, the important guest speakers who visit, the seven hundred students studying political science, and the school's long list of student organizations, my favorite being the Food Justice Alliance. An education from George Washington would enable me to pursue my most avid intellectual interest (politics) and help me become the kind of man I have always hoped to be.
You've done a really good job with this. The first two paragraphs seem fine to me; I like how you connect your experience with DC to what you hope to find at GW. The last paragraph, though, you should elaborate on. Maybe pick one or two specific programs that interest you and explain how those would help you achieve your goals and "become the kind of man I have always hoped to be." <- The last sentence is a bit vague. What kind of man d'you want to be? I don't recall you having talked about this in the rest of your essay. I'm sure you could tie it in, but be more specific.
Excellent, this is really refreshing and cool.
Just a little fix here:
When I asked her how she liked it, she replied, "People in D.C. are weird; everyone's wayyy too into politics. It gets annoying." Her answer surprised me; I had been ignorant ...
Thanks Kevin! Haha, I especially appreciate positive feedback from an essayforum celeb.
I didn't capitalize the chat part because I wanted to capture the "Gchat" style my sister uses, but if it was enough for someone to stumble over, then I suppose I probably shouldn't take the risk with the folks at GW.
Thanks again mmmargarita and Kevin, I think the application is ready for submission.
