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Undergraduate   Posts: 2

Personal portrayal - about myself, background, relationship with friends


golinaveen1986 2 / -  
Feb 15, 2008   #1
hi

i have a problem with personal portrayal. question is about myself, background,relationship with friends and how do u think an iim is best to achieve ur dreams.i wrote an essay on it but iam not making proper sense. highly thankful for ur help


____________________________________________________________ _______________

i, naveen kumar , from a normal middle class family with two other sibblings and iam the younger one. iam an introvert and loner. i believe in speaking as less as possible. iam not someone who is comfortable in crowds. i take time to befriend with anyone . But once i get close to someone, iam quite faithful and slight selfish in my relationship. i love being nostalgic and i write dairy daily and preserve many of things. The case studies of real industries dealt in IIM will be much handy for a highly ambitious person like me to become an enterpreneur. the 2:1 ratio of student faculty amused ma a lot and laid a perfect platform to garner high ended skilla in management. The perfect work schedule and individual concern of student in such a highly reputed well designed institute for upcoming managers impressed me much.

Thank u

EF_Team2 1 / 1,747  
Feb 16, 2008   #2
Greetings!

I think you have a good start to your essay! There are certain expressions you want to watch out for, though, when writing in English. For example, "loner" has taken on negative connotations lately in the media. I think there are ways to say what you mean by softening the language a little. Here is an example:

I, Naveen Kumar, am from a normal middle class family with two other siblings; I am the youngest. My personality is somewhat introverted and I prefer to spend much of my time alone. I believe in speaking as little as possible if I do not have something important to say. I am not someone who is comfortable in crowds. It takes me a while to become friends with someone, but once i get close to someone, I am quite faithful and devoted in my relationships. I love being nostalgic and I write in my journal daily to preserve my thoughts and ideas. The case studies of real industries dealt with in IIM will be very handy for a highly ambitious person like me to become an entrepreneur. The 2:1 ratio of students to faculty interests me a lot and lays a perfect platform to garner high-end skills in management. The convenient work schedule and attention to the individual concerns of student in such a highly reputed, well-designed institute for upcoming managers impressed me very much.

Keep up the good work!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com


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