What matters to you, and why? Stanford supplement
Well, i figured i should come up with something different than the usual family, achievements, world peace, etc. so here's what i came up with:
What did Martin Luther King Jr., Abigail Adams, Frederick Douglass, Nelson Mandela, and even, dare I say, Adolf Hitler have in common? Yes, they all did change the world - but how? Their voice. Their ability to speak gave them the power to change the world. The ability to speak matters to me; it allows for communication as well as expression of thoughts and opinions. My ability to speak allows me to do anything from commanding my dogs to sit, to asking my teacher to help me with a problem on the board, to informing my entire school of ways to raise money for cancer research. The bottom line is speaking leads to action, and action can ultimately lead to change. Of course, when the ability to speak is placed in the wrong hands, as in Adolf Hitler, action can lead to change for the worse. The action that followed Hitler's powerful speaking was the murder of approximately 11 million people. I hope, however, that my ability to speak leads to action for the better. I want to inform the world on the many ways to protect the environment. I want to tell everyone about the horrendous conditions and poverty in Africa that so many people have to suffer with. Most of all, I want to expose the realities of diseases such as cancer that billions of people die from every year, including innocent children. My theory is that if I can notify the world of its problems, people will join me in taking action to solve them. My ability to speak and communicate is what will ultimately define the changes I inhibit and therefore the mark I leave on the world, and that is why it matters to me so much.
Hello,
You spend your entire essay trying to build a case for your thesis which is "The ability to speak and communicate is what matters to you." However, the case that you have built supports another assumption - the ability to persuade. Most people in the World can speak, yet very few have thousands even millions who would follow them. This will lead one to believe that there is more than just the ability to speak that will make someone great. So while the ability to speak and communicate may be what really matters to you, your essay supports something else. When you have these short essays, everything has to be perfect. If there are any holes that can be exploited it will greatly weaken your chances for admissions - especially to the elite universities. We can help you make your essays perfect and top school ready. -AAO
Hope This Helps
Thank you, I completely understand. I just don't know what I can do to fix it. Should I change the "ability to speak" to the "ability to persuade" everywhere, or should I start from scratch?
