Considering both the specific undergraduate school or program to which you are applying and the broader University of Pennsylvania community, what academic, research, and/or extracurricular paths do you see yourself exploring at Penn?
In the spirit of Benjamin Franklin, the University of Pennsylvania has evolved into its own community, complete with numerous social and academic organizations. Given that there are over 300 clubs and societies for students to choose from, Penn is a school that offers great diversity to students of various backgrounds and interests. Penn's many clubs and associations would allow these interests to evolve into something much greater and contribute to a larger aggregation of knowledge, one that thrives outside the traditional boundaries of the classroom. After all, part of an education, in my mind, is the ability to apply it for the benefit of others.
I am a firm believer that an education goes only as far as one's leadership qualities allow. What good would a world-class education be without the means to exercise it? One of my biggest regrets during my first semester of college was a lack of participation in student government. While I was able to develop leadership qualities through other activities and clubs, I now see that student government would have allowed for a more profound and engaging use of my leadership qualities. Penn's Undergraduate Student Government would take the responsibility, interpersonal skills, time management and commitment to my fellow peers that I have gained from my high school and college experiences and allow me to apply them to a setting that more accurately mirrors the real world. Penn's Undergraduate Student Government has taken steps to organize student body events such as Hey Day and Spring Fling, in addition to voicing the concerns of students regarding their education. The fact that it actively continues to take steps to improve life at Penn for its students makes it very appealing to me. At Penn, I would like to make a difference; I would like to do whatever I can to improve my fellow colleagues' undergraduate collegiate experience, which would best be achieved by participating in the Student Government.
One of the inherent advantages in attending a powerful research-based institution is the opportunity to pursue academic research in almost any discipline I could think of. Whether it be economics, physics, geology or art history, the University of Pennsylvania would be able to quench my thirst to gain a more profound understanding of any field than what the classroom would be able to supply me with. Learning in a "hands-on" fashion from professors like Dr. Ponzy Lu of the Chemistry department and Dr. Jere Behrman of the Economics department who are the game-changers, so to say, in their respective fields would be a sure way to receive a comprehensive education. No matter what field I would pursue, I would want to leave college with a significant amount of hands-on experience in my area of expertise. As such, I would certainly take advantage of the innumerable research opportunities that Penn would undoubtedly offer me.
In my opinion, there is nothing more attractive about a university than the opportunities it offers its students. With the plethora of clubs, academic organizations and resources Penn offers its students, there is no university I would rather study at. Coming out of Penn, considering the multifaceted education I would receive, there is no question that I would be a more worldly individual, shaping the world around me for the better and giving back to my community as much as it has given me.
You are very eloquent, and it's apparent that you know what you want to say. There was one thing that struck me about your essay, however. It does come off as a bit sycophantic. Granted, UPenn is a prestigious school, but being able to show humility while boasting of the school is the gift of a great writer.
Just for example, when you say 'colleagues', I would advise that you change it to 'peer'. When you begin doing true research or projects, those people you have professional relationships with will become your colleagues, but until that point, stick with the more humble 'peer'.
Good luck on your application!
Cameron
I am a firm believer that ---This is a cliche. You can say it in a more original way.
Whether it be In economics, physics, geology and art history, the University of Pennsylvania be able to can quench my thirst for to gain a more profound understanding...
In my opinion, t There is nothing more attractive about a ...
I don't like that last paragraph. I think you should focus on your plan for the future, and tell the reader specifically about a goal you want to accomplish.
:-)
