PRATT INSTITUTE ESSAY (why do you want to attend)

the essay asked why do you want to attend to Pratt and what do you hope to accomplish with your education?
there are no limits in words for this essay...

i am quite a weak writer especially with all the grammars...and im not sure if this essay needs more adding or cutting so please help me make this essay perfect coz i really want to attend here!

here is my essay:

It has all started because of my interest that matches so well in every factor Pratt institute has provided with, in which it is hard to....?(couldn't find strong word)

I have always known myself as being an artistic since I first took art class in primary school. I remembered the time in class, the time of enjoyment, excitement and happiness that I am able to draw and color. As I grow, the love of art has increased even further; I like the moment in which I can just express ideas and creativity with no limits since there are no right or wrong answers to art. I have begun to learn in more details on architecture when I got given this theme in GCSE. I spent lots of time doing researches, seeing many different buildings both from real life and internet, and have done a whole sketch books on it without a drop of sweat; it was great fun and I become devoted to it. However, just as much I have passion for art as well as math. I like math because of the amount of challenges it can offer one with and it never bore one. I never seen myself as a mathematician but I do keen on solving problems and like to take the challenge; this is when I started to realized that art and architecture is the field I would be willing to pursue my education and being dedicated to.

During the process of researching for college, I was first explored more of UK's universities of art and architecture but I feel as if it wasn't really for me with the campus and the curriculum. Therefore, I started to explore USA's universities and found Pratt. I was convinced to Pratt when I read the details, the curriculum that covers varieties of units such as the history and theory, the environment to planning, design and construction. In addition to all, I was influenced when I first visited the campuses during my summer holidays. I was impressed with the peacefulness of the campuses and the location of the institution itself, located in New York. I strongly believed that the location is as essential as choosing the major. I found New York City as the centre of place where all spectacular architectures has gathered in which benefits me; it is an energetic city with ranges of cultures and full of fascinated historical background for buildings, including Brooklyn campus at Pratt especially with the Victorian mansions lining the streets. Moreover, I very much like the idea offer for candidates at Pratt to develop their unique architectural education based on their goal throughout the last 4 semesters. I admire Pratt for every factor and do believe it is where I am belonging.

Hoping to accomplish with education is a plan for future that everyone would dream of. For me, after receiving a Batchelor degree in architecture, I would plan to further my knowledge by continuing with a Graduate program and further my experiences in helping my family's business of real estates which requires designing and constructing. Also, I hope to travel around and capture every amazing architectural structure so that one day I would be a professional architect that are well-known like, Frank Lloyd Wright. I understand that it is a long term process and a lot of hard work in which to become a professional architect but my strong ambitious, motivation and determination will always keep me up and succeeded in the goal I have eventually. I firmly believed that high-regarded institute like Pratt will be able to help me fulfill my dreams.

it has all started
Pratt Institute has provided
I have always known
I was first explored (???)
I would plan

I'm not sure why you are using auxiliaries with virtually every verb. At first I thought you just had the bad habit of making every verb as passive as possible. But now I see that you do this even when doing so makes the sentence into nonsense.

Whatever the reason, stop doing this. Whenever possible, use verbs as they are rather than adding confusing auxiliary verbs to them:
It all started...
I first explored..
I plan...

Ahhh...So that's what they're called.


Everyone? I wouldn't say that.


Unnecessary.


You don't plan to participate in all of these subjects do you?


Spell this correctly.

I learned that they are "helping" verbs. Why do they dumb down the language for kids? If I was old enough to learn verb tenses, I was most likely old enough to learn proper terminology.

What makes you think they were dumbing it down? Hadn't you noticed that English rarely only has exactly one word for a thing? Try looking up "auxiliary verb" in wikipedia, which list these alternate terms as valid names for them: "helping verb, helper verb, auxiliary verb, verbal auxiliary, or linking verb"

It just sounds so childlike to me. When I was in elementary school, one of my teachers called the exclamation point "the excited mark." I was confused.

Well, that is a fairly accurate description of an exclamation mark, though not the correct term for it . . .

Talk about personification! That sounds like the mark itself, rather than the writer or speaker, is excited.

Though, I must admit that I like the idea of overly-emotional punctuation marks running about.