Describe the world you come from- for example, your family, your community, or school- and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations.
"I want to be the president of the United States" This was my solid answer at age 7 when asked what I wanted to be when I grew up. Growing up in other towns might have elicited a sneer accompanied by the following odds of actually becoming the next president: the past 43 presidents have been Caucasian, which contrasts my Asian-yellow skin, and if you take off the letters 'f' and 'e' from female, you get the gender of all of our presidents. But living in my community has taught me that if you want to do something or be someone, it can be done as long as you work for it. So while I may have disadvantages that work against me in all sorts of situations, I have learned to never acknowledge them as barriers that I could not overcome.
Home to me is Castro Valley, the town with one high school and the old fashioned ice cream parlor. Ever year since the seventh grade I participated in the annual recycling art contest. The contest gave all participants the opportunity to define what art was. But logically, what was art? I struggled with this question while figuring out how I would create a masterpiece out of water bottles. After arduous work of asking neighbors for their trash and putting everything together, I was supposed to explain its significance. This was not an easy task. To explain what the piece was created for could only be done after we appreciated it. Yes, appreciate that indeed anything could be art, even the burnt tea kettle that was transformed into a flying bird. While alone, the recyclables were simply considered trash, they all, in this recycling art contest, had the potential to be useful and seen as art. It was in this process of putting each object together that I could learn that when you have a goal- which in my case was creating a remarkable piece- it could be done with persistence and motivation.
I consider myself fortunate to live in a community where I am able to work for my goals, whether it's turning a bike wheel into a globe or finding a path in which I can work to achieve my dreams. If a burnt tea kettle can be considered art, the possibility for anyone to do anything-- become the CEO of a company, find the cure for cancer, or become the president of America-- is there. Believing in this concept is a part of my life for it allows me to trust that nothing is too far-fetched. This mentality fosters the understanding that being fortunate is not having the most up-to-date technology; it is being in an environment that encourages you to think the unthinkable and dream the impossible.
Please give your honest feedback even if it makes me cry 8]
Good evening :)
I'll never make you cry!!
Mechanically, make sure that you are ending your sentences with punctuation, including the quotation at the beginning of the sentence. Avoid beginning your sentences with conjunctive/transitory words such as "but," "so," or "and." Avoid contractions in formal academic writing; for instance, "it's" should be "it is." Avoid using the pronoun "you" in formal academic writing; try using "me," "I," or "one" instead.
In regards to content, I think your introduction links to your conclusion very well, wrapping up the essay nicely. Your explanation of the art contest is detailed enough without being arduous, and it is organized well. Nice work.
Regards,
Gloria
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