My pride and joy in peers - commonapp extracurricular response

So this is the short answer I have to the commonapp extracurricular activity box and I'd love feedback on content, grammar, and whether or not this is affective.

Please be brutal! I need it to be as best as it can especially since the deadlines are approaching!

Patience, understanding, and effort are the three most important qualities I have gained in being a tutor. By tutoring French, mathematics, and biology throughout my high school career, I have found immense pleasure in helping those who needed a little extra attention to discover and eventually reach their highest potential. I would help my peers, both in large groups and privately, to acquire the confidence they needed to trust their intelligence and use it to their advantage. When the light of understanding protrudes from inside my peers' souls unto their faces when they finally come to comprehend the content I am helping them with, the warmth I feel within my being cannot be compared to any other feeling. Tutoring is undoubtedly the most rewarding extracurricular activity I have ever committed myself to.

increase material,your essay has coherence

Your essay is straight to the point/easy to comprehend, but it's lacking some material. Perhaps give an account of how you helped a specific person overcome his difficulties in your essay.

Your essay is clear, but I think you should focus on HOW you helped these persons (be as specific as possible, don't just say "tutor") and what did you learn from this experience (be more specific), instead of focusing too much on the "pleasure" and your feeling when the persons you helped gained success.

Hope this helps!