Proclaiming Myself as a Red Fox (Marist Supplement Essay)

Fortunately, while researching the perfect college for me, I found Marist. While visiting, the first thing I noticed was the Bear Mountain Bridge riding over the shimmering Hudson River. The campus' natural setting is not only picturesque, it also creates a cozy home-like feeling.While this environment is welcoming and inviting, it is also a short drive home, and I can visit my family frequently.

In addition, the academic opportunities available at Marist are ideal.As a Business Administration major focused in Marketing, I find that Marist is highly invested in their students' learning and success. The professors provide one-on-one attention which is helpful when focusing on important information. Gaining that special support from a professor would help me succeed at every task.

Marist has so much to offer, and is even a Division One school. I can cheer for my fellow Red Foxes at every basketball game. It is not difficult to get involved in the Marist community, and being an active and enthusiastic member is one of my main priorities.

With so many opportunities for personal growth and academic development available at Marist, along with the welcoming and inspirational environment, I would be honored to proclaim myself a "Red Fox." I look forward to calling Marist "my school" as well as "my home."

Rachel, you should aim for a unique response to this statement question. The answers that you gave consider the already commonly known information about Marist. Therefore, what you are telling the reviewer contains information that he already knows about the school. You have to look beyond the obvious reasons for choosing Marist. Go beyond the academics and location. Don't just cheer on the basketball team as a part of the community, all the students will already be doing that.

It is my belief that your response should contain some of your insights into Marist as a community, go beyond the campus set up and talk about Marist as your home. How would you go about improving your home for the next 4 years? What are the reasons, other than the obvious, that you would be happy to call Marist your "school" and "home"?

Another way to approach this essay is to look at the social and academic activities that you feel you can participate in. What excites you about the idea of being a part of these activities? How does it translate into the spirit of a Marist student? Find out what the objectives and mission of the school might be. I know it will require a little research on your part. However, by using the information that not all students will be using for their response, you will be able to develop a memorable statement for the reviewer.

- I find that Marist is highly invested
- in their students'( an apostrophe is not needed in the word "student" )

- Marist has so much to offer, and is even a Division One school.

Rachel, as wonderful as your essay is, I must say that it didn't have that power to supplement your purpose in choosing Marist as you school let alone be your home. I understand that the environment is a big factor in choosing one but more so is the academic side of the school, your goals and how will the school help you in achieving these goals. The essay focused more on the landscape of the institution and not on the important feature which is academic excellence, this should be the information on your essay. Now, I suggest you tweak your essay and make the second paragraph your first, how about that?,. Then, add your appreciation on the landmarks, the landscaping and the vibrant atmosphere of the environment in Marist.

I hope to see a revised essay here on EF so we can help you further.