'the program uniqueness and location of UBC'. Your Opinion on my UBC Admissions Question Response

Hello Everyone! I'm brand new here and excited to contribute to this cool community. I'm currently applying for pharmacy at UBC and part of the admission process requires essay answers. I am hoping to get feedback on one of my responses :)

Question: Applicants may wish to explain why they want to study their particular program at UBC. (maximum 100 words)

Response (100 words exactly!):

I would love to study the PharmD program at UBC because of the program uniqueness and location of UBC. From educational sessions and discussion with Carol Kuang, it is clear that the UBC PharmD program desires to be a leader in Canadian Pharmaceutical Education. The Alumni Agent of Change demonstrates leadership, professionalism and cooperation that I desire to contribute towards. Opportunity of a Graduate PharmD degree also interests me. Vancouver is a high-activity location for St. John Ambulance, an organization I wish to contribute to while committed to studies. My desire to study, lead and connect makes me choose UBC.

Thank you for your time everyone! FYI, "study, research, connect" is on their Pharmacy website, and hence I modified it a bit and added it at the end as a conclusion.

Hi,

Let me give you my feedback. So first off I would like to say that there are a couple grammar errors. ...because of the program isuniquenessunique and the location of UBC suits me .

and cooperation that I desire to contribute towardstoward .

TheOpportunityopportunity of a Graduate PharmD degree also interests me.

I have to say that although you discuss why you wish to attend the UBC program, I would expand and say more about yourself. Why you are a good fit and how you would contribute to the community. For example, you can discuss volunteer experiences or activities you took part in and then build upon those. Talk more about yourself and how you can contribute and be involved instead of talking about the program. The reviewers will already know that they are a leading program or whatever you give them. Think of it kind of like an interview. The more you talk about yourself the more the other person will get to know you. I am not saying your draft does not work. Your essay is off to a good start. Just change it up a little bit. They want to hear more about YOU. You can send me your next revision, if you find these comments helpful. I hope they were.

Christopher, your statement is just a bunch of disconnected comments at the moment that seem more like you developed while reading the website of the university. There is no real connection between your interests and the offerings of the university in the field of Pharmacy. the mention of the professors name doesn't add to the validity of your explanation as to why you wish to study at UBC. In order to properly address the 100 word prompt, you will need to first, look into the course curriculum of UBC and decide what it is about the academic side of learning there that excites you. After that, look at the social offerings of the university and make a comparison of how you can receive a well balanced education at the university. Each aspect should be represented in no more than 50 words each in order to become an effective response. Make sure to use connecting sentences to move your thoughts within the essay. If the essay feels like you are making an outline instead of a statement, then you are not presenting your thoughts properly.

@Holt
Thank you very much for the feedback. I revised my original essay. Would you mind critiquing this?

I would love to study the UBC PharmD program because of the unique teaching techniques and location. I understand, retain information and test well when course material is taught through different techniques. These include lectures, tutorials, ...

Christopher, it would be nice if you could offer a simple explanation regarding your learning style in line with the teaching method of the university. This will help to better align your academic interests with the academic styling of the university. I would opt to read more of that explanation than the reference to St. John Ambulance. The reason that I say this is because the ambulance service is part of the community service that you look forward to participating in while a student at UBC. It doesn't really help to explain why you want to study this particular course at this university. Concentrate on UBC and the academic connection you can make with the university. Don't muddle the discussion by presenting non-related topics. The current version of the essay is almost totally acceptable. You just need to make a few adjustments in order to make it ready to use.

@Holt
@mualla

Thank you to both of you for reading and evaluating my writing. I have made corrections as you recommended. When you have time, I'd appreciate it if you could look over my revised version. It would mean a lot to me. Thank you! FYI this is exactly 100 words!

I would love to study the UBC PharmD program because of unique teaching techniques and location. Throughout my education, I understand, retain information and test well when course material is taught through different techniques. These include lectures, tutorials, case studies, placement and examination methods such as assignments, presentations and objective structured clinical exams. All of these unique teaching and examination styles are promoted in UBC's PharmD program. Having a complementary learning style will both help me prepare for the knowledge and skills required by future pharmacists. The location also provides opportunity outside of classes to maintain a balanced university life.