Programs in Kinesiology, reasons for choosing -University Of Waterloo Entrace

can some one please help me with this :

here is the question : Reasons for choosing your program and Waterloo (*Required)
Please tell us about your educational goals, your interest in your chosen program(s), and your reasons for applying to the University of Waterloo.

Educatinal goals:
My educational goal is to Undergraduate programs in Kinesiology: obtain a degree in Bachelor of Science (BSc) Honours.

Interest:
I have chosen this program, because i want to be a Athletic Therapist or a Physical Education Teacher. Sports have always been a huge part of my life. Since I can remember, I have Always been involved in some sort of sport. I played on many high school teams, and decided to do something related to sports. Kinesiology is the perfect program form me, as it will provided me with a fantastic scientific background and the ability to critically analyze and decipher information. Once i obtain my degree i hope to get a job in the athletic therapist field or apply to teachers college to pursue my career as a physical ed teacher. After graduating from Waterloo, I will be the first in my family to gain a Bachelor of Science degree. With a Bachelor of Science, I will have many options available to me in my career.

Why Waterloo?
The University of Waterloo is a famous top ranked university in Canada. Recently Maclean's magazine has once again recognized the University of Waterloo as having the best reputation of any Canadian university. Waterloo is a dream school for me, because it meets both my academic and athletic needs. Waterloo is not only known for its academics, but also for athletics , both which are really important to me as i will be running cross country/ track for Waterloo while doing kinesiology.

could some one please edit this and help me out in making this better as it is very important for me. any help is greatly appreciated.

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My educational goal is to Undergraduate programs in Kinesiology: obtain a degree in Bachelor of Science (BSc) Honours.---This is not a goal. This is a means to an end. You get the degree because it will help you achieve your goal. The degree is not your goal. So... mention the degree when you explain that it is a necessary step toward your goal. So, tell about the goal that you think will be a meaningful way to spend your energy. What is the real goal? :-)

I think you did a great job explaining why kinesiology is the right field for you. You can improve it by citing an article or two. Show that you read recent articles pertianing to kinesiology, because you want to learn the latest practices and theories.

The University of Waterloo is a famous top ranked university in Canada. They already know this.

Recently Maclean's magazine has once again recognized the University of Waterloo as having the best reputation of any Canadian university. Do not write stuff that appears on the website. They already know.

Waterloo is a dream school for me, because it meets both my academic and athletic needs. ---This is the important part!!! Write more about this. Show why it is the right school for your unique plan. Most students do not really have a plan.

Hey, I'm applying to UW too.
I think the Interest Part is great. but the reasons for choosing Waterloo is not strong enough.may be you can add something more specific, or something really special about Waterloo besides the reputation and so.

Only my opinion :)

thank you guys for helping out, i will take the changes mentioned into consideration. the stuf that i posted was just rough work :P the final of course will be much much better

Well, strictly speaking, what you have is an educational goal. However, it is the same kind of goal every other applicant will express. Everyone will name some degree they want to get. But you wan set yourself apart by sharing a sort of enlightened idea. If you do a little reading tonight, an article or book written by a heroic authority in your chosen field, you might find a brilliant insight. It won't come from the book, but instead from your own mind in response to what you read. That goal should be something more than the name of the degree. It should involve a specialization, or it should involve several subgoals. Make it unique and meaningful. It's not easy until the moment of inspiration! :-)