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3 Prompts; learned on my own/ ingredients of meaningful life/sure to uncertain



Hahahala 3 / 5  
Dec 24, 2012   #1
I am planning to use this essay for a few prompts that are all somewhat related (for different schools)

The questions are: 1.Tell us about something you learned on your own.
2. What are the ingredients to a meaningful life?
3. Discuss a matter you once thought you knew "for sure"-but of which you are no longer certain.

"Try not to become a man of success but rather to become a man of value"- Albert Einstein. I remember contemplating the meaning of this quote written in bold lettering on a poster pinned to the top of my fourth grade teacher's bulletin board. Although I thought long and hard, I could not think of an instance in which I had been successful but not valued. When I wrote a reputable anecdote I received approbation from Mrs. Poirer and was admired by my peers, and when I was appointed first chair in the school orchestra the conductor payed more attention to me. Gazing longingly up at the bulletin board, I was determined that one day, I would uncover the concept of the quote. Like the lustrous Northern Star, it only was unattainable because I was not yet old nor tall enough to reach it.

Growing up for me meant running out of time to discovering the secret to 'being of value'. The cognizance that Einstein's quote is open to interpretation caused me to fathom the distinctive meanings of success versus value, and the perpetual reasoning of my intellect led me to using an analytic approach towards the purport of the saying. The corollaries of success include fame and fortune. In order to attain one or the other, one mustn't please himself, but he must appeal to society. Although success comes from the support of others, value comes from the soul. Having value is not to paint the picture of life as the same happily ever after repeated boundless times, but to create a perspicacious destiny that is fulfilled by no other than oneself. Einstein himself is the epitome of a man whose life was of significance; he was not particularly wealthy, but his pioneering in the field of physics led to the birth of thoughts and theories worth the price of the universe itself.

Almost five years ago, I was certain about a number of things. I was going to attend college, become a lawyer, and raise a family. Doing what so many others had done meant no pain and no gain, but back then, that was a sacrifice I was more than willing to make. With the help of a deceased intellectual genius, I have come to learn that I must make my own morals and prompt my own path, so even if I am not showered in riches, my life will still be worth living. The future is wide open, and I have the decision of shaping it by myself, even if it is in a way that seems legitimate to only me. All is ambiguous and to live is to define the ambiguity, to give it shape and color through words and charcoal pencils, to add background music and therefore create meaning; and to do so, one must follow his true aspirations, rather than ones that society bestows upon him.

I changed a few words here and there, but this is pretty much it.. The thing I am most worried about is the last prompt- I havent gotten to it yet, but I have a feeling that it is going to require more editing than the first two.

This isnt for college- Im 13- its for a private school

Didgeridoo - / 289  
Dec 24, 2012   #2
It's very well-written, especially considering your age, and it does a good job of answering all of the prompts. Some things I noticed though:

1. I'd replace some of that advanced vocabulary (highlighted in red) with a more commonly used word/phrase. It takes away from the tone of your essay and makes it difficult to read.

2. Are you trying to say that Einstein's life had value because he was innovative instead of conforming to society, or that it had value because he contributed something to the world instead of merely earning money, or both? Make your answer clear to better answer the second prompt.

3. To better answer the third prompt, I'd start with the idea of the life you had planned out (college, lawyer, family) THEN go into the quote, then come back to the idea that you are no longer sure that your planned life is the one you want to live.

Good job, and good luck!
OP Hahahala 3 / 5  
Dec 24, 2012   #3
OMG thanks so much! That really helped!
weeyizhi /  
Dec 24, 2012   #4
Growing up for me meant running out of time to discoveringdiscover the secret...
As Didgeridoo said, you're using too many big words. Really, there's no need to do this. The reader will not be impressed.
Your second paragraph is a little abstract. Think of some ways to make it concrete with real examples. I find it rather boring.
You did very well! To think that you're only 13... When I was 13, hahaha. I don't know what to say. Good job!!
Good luck with your applications =)


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