For some reason, the thread that this was on before was removed and I was temporarily suspended! I don't have any idea WHY, I'm sure my title was satisfactory...and now I won't get to read any feedback that I got on it before...*sigh*
Anyways, here's what I've written for the Common App essay for 'topic of your choice'. It's 688 words, and common app asks for it to be 'approx. 250-500 words'. I heard somewhere that it was just a guideline and not a word limit per say, but I'm still really worried that I'll be penalized for making it so excessively long. My problem is that I pretty much love it the way it is and I have no idea what I could do to trim it down without ruining it! I really need help, as the deadline is in 8 days.
So, I need help figuring out how to trim this down as much as possible (100 words might be enough...but geez), and any and all other critique and opinions are welcome and appreciated!
If you help me out, I'll give my best shot at whatever essays you might need help with. I love giving critiques on pretty much anything.
---
When I was younger, I would stay up for hours watching cartoons. I was a complete addict, and I am proud to proclaim that I still am, thanks to my love of Japanese anime. When I often try to show anime to non-fans, they immediately mention how put off they are by 'all the yelling and crying', 'annoying subtitles', and 'those huge eyes'. It saddens me how quickly they dismiss it, but they aren't used to watching cartoons that have actual substance to them. Whatever others say, anime is more than just 'weird cartoons' to me. They have been consistent inspiration in my life as I developed skills and interests that built on each other and helped me discover my calling as an animator.
Anime ended up being the catalyst that spurred me into becoming an artist. When I was little, I was never put off by the art styles anime used; in fact, I loved them! They seemed very realistic to me, and their large, expressive eyes had so much detail and emotion that it became a hobby of mine to copy character's faces onto tracing paper. I felt confident with the pencil in my hand, but once I removed the tracing paper from the source underneath, the copy tended to look lackluster. I had never considered myself artistic, but I found myself compelled to improve. I eventually dived right into creating my own anime-inspired drawings and characters, buying multiple 'How to Draw' books and wading through online tutorials. I taught myself design principles, lighting, human anatomy, and practiced constantly. Only in high school when classmates who saw me doodling remarked 'Wow! That's so cool!' did I realize I could call myself an artist, and took art classes that challenged and invigorated me. I could watch anime with a sense of pride, knowing that it had inspired me to become something important to me.
But much as I loved anime, it isn't American - it's Japanese, and has cultural elements specific to Japan. When I first sat down to watch my favorite childhood shows in their original language, it frustrated me that I couldn't understand those elements through subtitles. So, I simply taught myself Japanese. I listened to Japanese so often that my ears became accustomed to it, I looked up meanings of words, memorized two alphabets, studied grammar, and did research on the culture. It brought me out of my little American bubble; Japan is a completely different country with its own cultural values and societal issues. Good anime tend to reflect these issues, and I appreciate how much they inadvertently taught me about the vast diversity of the world - and they did it with style.
Unlike most American cartoons, anime takes an extremely cinematic approach in its presentation, and the Japanese never used animation as 'just for kids' or as a medium suitable only for humor. That's what kept me up at night as a kid with my face glued to the TV screen; it's a special brand of storytelling that emphasizes the visual and emotional elements of the story, which can tell a variety of stories to a variety of people. Anime always enraptured me with its raw emotional images and relatable characters that made me laugh, cry, and kept me apt with anticipation. Animation can do so much, and I want to be the one pushing pencil to paper to express my own inner story to anyone who wants to watch it.
Sometimes, when I look back at how far I've come and how much I've learned since those early couch-potato days, I can't help but smile at how it all started from something as simple as watching cartoons. All of the skills and knowledge of cinematic production I've accumulated, the passion I've developed for animation and storytelling, the appreciation for foreign cultures I've gained, and the drive I have as I prepare to dive head-first into college, are all thanks to a childhood obsession. The past eleven years of my life have been unknowingly spent preparing me to enter the world of animated cinema, and I can't wait to see what happens next.
Hi! A great essay=)
A few suggestions here:
I think the first paragraph could be made a bit stronger, though. Maybe, you could dramatize it a bit? Or you could put these images 'all the yelling and crying', 'annoying subtitles', and 'those huge eyes'.
in the beginning.
My suggestion:
I was a complete addict. maybe you could start off the essay as if you are going to talk about a very bad addiction so it could be a bit more dramatic? thats why I suggest changing the title of the essay =) It's just my opinion, though. 'all the yelling and crying', 'annoying subtitles', and 'those huge eyes' which, hated by others, are what keep me up for hours.
Im not sure if you would like it, but my point is that I think you could add more colors to/ dramatize the first paragraph ? =)
And I think the title of the essay could be made a bit stronger as well =)
It brought me out of my little American bubble; Japan is a completely different country with its own cultural values and societal issues. Good anime tend to reflect these issues, and I appreciate how much they inadvertently taught me about the vast diversity of the world - and they did it with style.
--> and I think this sentence could be made more concise ..
It brought me out of my little American bubble; reflected the cultural values and societal issues in Japan; and inadvertently enriched the world of diversity before my eyes through good anime.
How do you like this? I've tried my best .. I hope it helps =)
Overall, I like this essay very much!
Good luck!
And please take a look at my essay
=) thanks
