I have got 5 family members and all of my family live in Iran. I have one older brother and on oldest sister. My father alive and my mother passed away when I was 17 years old. I love all of my family members and we are very close together. But now, I have my own family in the U.S. We consist of my husband and me. We do not have any children yet. I want to describe my husband because. Because I think, he is a good person for my admiration. His name is Amir and he is 35 years old. He is Persian same as me. When he was 19, he came to the U.S. he studied hard in good university same as UCLA and USC. Now, He is a dentist. Three parts of his personality, I like are responsibility, Improving knowledge, and empathy and honesty.
One of the best his personality is responsibility because he is very responsible about family, and his job. For example, about family, he works hard to we have welfare and everything that we need. About his job, he thinks before he does and is very careful to do his job right. He is very respectful to me and other people when he has communicated with them. Even, he is responsible about his health and his body. For example, he does not eat junk food and he does exercise every day.
The second perfect personality is improving knowledge. For example, he usually follows new information about his career and he uses the experience other dentists for improving his skills. Every night, he watches the news on YouTube or TV. Sometimes, he reads some books then they are interesting for him.
In additional, the other part of his personality is his empathy and honesty. He is someone who really knows me deeply and he knows how to treat me. He does not lie to me. He is good adviser because I sometimes miss my family and getting bored about learning English. He tells me something to I do and I come out of my depression.
In consolation, my husband is a person with good personality same as amenable, educating, fixation, truthful. He is my best friend and I proud of him. He is an intelligent person and I hope my children will get some his gen in the future. :))
can you fix my friend essay?
ok, I'm Irfan Ardian. i appreciate you as you shared your experience, let me give correction
I have got 5 family members and all of my family live in Iran.I have one older brother and on oldest sister. My father alive and my mother passed away when I was 17 years old. I love all of my family members and we are very close together.
I reckon in the writing task, you should change using "I" because it will tend to speaking language.
usually we can reduce it with the author, the writer.
as i know using of subject "I & we", that's severe for writing. Here, your position as third person
so i recommend you like this :
Writer had 5 family members and they all live in Iran. Her father still alive and my mother passed away when she was 17 years old. She was the third in the family. The author really loves all of her households and they are very close together.
also it will be better if as author can change the same word with similar word.
thanks
- I have got5five ( I'd rather have you write the number five than just writing the number itself) family...
- ...and onan oldest sister.
- My father aliveis still alive and...
- I want to describe my husband because.,b ecause...
- He is Persian same aslike me.
- ...good university same aslike UCLA and USC.
- Now, h e is a dentist.
- Three parts ofI like his personality,
- ...I like are responsibilityhis being responsible ,
- Improving knowledge and learning everyday,
-...and his empathy and honesty.
Well, there's actually a lot of work to be done in your essay, I made quiet a lot of corrections to your essay and I hope you follow thru.
I'll get back for the other part of the essay, I hope this helps.
