This is the final draft of my Statement of Purpose. Please comment.
Statement of Purpose
I still remember the day I first visited a Planetarium and saw the wonders of the universe unravel in front of my eyes. What was more beautiful-to watch a star come to life from a nebula? Or to watch a dying star explode into a supernova? It was just so fascinating that from then on, I began exploring the mysteries of the universe through the night sky and questioning: Does the universe have an edge? What caused the Big Bang? Was there a Creator God? If so, are we ever meant to unravel all the mysteries of His universe?
At 15, while flipping TV channels, I came across a program featuring the biography of Leonardo da Vinci. I was spellbound by this Renaissance man. How could someone be a painter, sculptor, inventor, musician, astronomer, anatomist, botanist, cartographer, writer, engineer, and architect all at the same time? No doubt he was one of the few people who managed to use the potential of the human mind to the maximum. He proved the "analytical-person-can't-be-creative and creative-person-can't-be analytical" myth wrong.
At 17, I was asked to decide a major for my university studies. Now, I was torn between two disciplines, very close to my heart yet complete opposites-Astronomy and Psychology.
On one of my visits to India, when I first stepped into Seva Café- a non-profit organization located in Ahmedabad, I felt I was in a different world. It was a café where the volunteers were the chefs and the only money the customers ever had to pay was according to what they thought the service deserved. All profits were forwarded to NGOs all over India. But the one thing that I observed and was amazed at, was the happiness that leaked out of these volunteers' faces which flowed to every customer's. No doubt the volunteers had their own problems but the satisfaction they got from serving other people overshadowed everything else. At that moment, I realized that extending help to anyone is the most fulfilling and rewarding activity that people can do in their life This recognition was enough to ignite in me the desire to pursue a career in the field of service. I realized that my passion was to help and motivate people by being a psychologist.
However, I also began wondering how another passion of mine could be useful as more than just a hobby. I started playing golf at the age of 12 even though as a kid, I was terrified by all the physical education classes we had to take in school. It was only when I started playing golf that I realized the immense impact a sport can have on your life. Golf has taught me many life lessons, the most important being integrity and resilience. No matter where you stand in a golf tournament, it isn't over until the last putt is made. I think golf is the noblest of all sports because golf is an individual game and in the game you challenge and compete only with yourself. It is no one but yourself, playing against yourself, over and over again. Golf teaches you to take responsibility for your actions and to accept defeat gracefully. I used to be very shy as a child but golf provided me the platform to interact with people from various nationalities and from all walks of life. Consequently, I am a more confident and an extroverted person.
These are the three passions of my life- astronomy, psychology and golf. I had to make a decision by selecting 2 out of 3 of my passions. It was a very tough decision to make but finally I decided that I would follow in the footsteps of my role model, Leonardo da Vinci and explore the two extremes- the universe and the human mind.
Hence my decision to join University of Arizona, as it not only offers me a double major and a strong program in both Psychology and Astronomy, but also an excellent program in Women's golf.
At 15, while flipping TV channels, I came across a program featuring the biography of Leonardo da Vinci. I was spellbound by this Renaissance man. How could someone be a painter, sculptor, inventor, musician, astronomer, anatomist, botanist, cartographer, writer, engineer, and architect all at the same time? No doubt he was one of the few people who managed to use the potential of the human mind to the maximum. He proved the "analytical-person-can't-be-creative and creative-person-can't-be analytical" myth wrong.
Maybe you could move this paragraph closer to the end of your essay, after you describe astronomy, psychology and golf. I think it would make the reader see the parallel between your diverse interests and Leonardo's.
Besides that minor change, I think your essay is very good! It has a nice narrative flow.
